The Shadow, Dom, sub, and Her

The week that was

2009-03-01T17:10:00.003-05:00

For most of the past week I've been in "nurse" mode as I took care of Belle. She had a migraine start Sunday morning of last week, and then over the course of the next few days it ramped up to full blitz migraine and then it took another couple days for the effects of the migraine to subside enough for her to really get back on her feet. Those are without a doubt the worst kind because instead of hitting and being gone, it does a slow build up, knocks you out, and leaves you recovering for a couple days.

So I've been busy taking care of kids, meals, working, and taking care of my dearest. In some strange way I think the week did take a toll on me physically as well, because by Friday night I had a headache and fell asleep by 9:30PM (that is really early for me). It could have been that or the coma that Belle put me in on Friday when she decided to bake me the best pecan pie in the whole wide world. I was nice and I did share some of it with the family (atleast 4 slices was eaten by someone other than myself). If you know me at all, I am very good at sharing but I REALLY HATE sharing my pecan pies. *mine mine mine* *growls*

By Saturday morning I was feeling better after a wonderful night sleep that included some really great cuddles. The plan for Saturday was pretty simple. I was going to a neutral site and visit with Kit for the day to catch up as friends, while Belle hung out with the kids at home watching movies and the like. Well shortly after I got out of my shower I heard my phone beeping at me, which is really odd as I was expecting anything. At first I assumed it was Kit checking up on me, but nope, it was Mom calling to say she was in town for the day. My parents live about 2 hours away and come into town for horse shows and horse sales, but they never come by the house to see us. So Saturday morning as they were driving into town I get the voicemail letting me know they were here and wanted to see us. I called Mom back to let her know I already had plans and that Belle was still recovering from a migraine (ala didn't want parents just showing up at my house and forcing Belle to play host without me). The horse sale was supposed to go for a while so I told them maybe we could catch up for dinner that evening before they headed back assuming they didn't decide to leave earlier.

Off I went to catch up with Kit, and the drive went so fast that even after leaving nearly 20 minutes late, stopping to get gas, etc. I was still 5 minutes early. The cafe opened at noon so I hung out in the Jeep until it opened. I gave Kit a call to find out her ETA, and it seemed she was running late as well (she needed to get gas as well). I come in a secure a corner booth with the idea of being out of the way. Within 15 minutes the place was packed and we were surrounded by several people. My plan was in case she started talking about why things were not going any further I wanted to have enough privacy to actually talk. To make a long story much shorter, the conversation never really went there. We chatted about much more generic stuff that friends usually talk about. We had a great meal and spent nearly 4 hours just talking with brief moments of quiet to actually eat something. I was quite happy with how the day had turned out (minus all the rain) to that point. We headed outside to say goodbye and I gave her a hug, which led to like 4 more hugs before I finally got her into her Jeep. The whole time we were standing there in the rain. I could tell she didn't want to say goodbye and leave, but I really wanted to keep things on good terms and I was trying to wrap up so I can make it home to see my parents.

The drive home was a bit faster than the drive there as I wasn't having to read directions so much. I got some really great texts along the way from Belle which was really very sweet. I got back home at nearly 5:30 which is 30 minutes earlier than originally planned. I had barely kissed Belle when my phone started ringing. Mom was calling to say they were tired and cold, so they were heading home. So I'm hoping that maybe next Saturday we can go visit with them, just not sure at this point. Within a minute of hanging up with Mom, I get two texts from Kit (she has not sent a single text to me in almost a month and now I'm getting two). The first text was a clothed picture of her breast, and the second was an actual smiling face shot. The face shot was cool since I had been giving her a hard time for having such a dark picture on her Facebook profile. But why the other picture? It just made no sense to me at all.

So as Belle and I are sitting in the family room talking about the afternoon and pictures, Kit starts IMing with Belle via Facebook. Based on what Belle shared with me, the conversation was very erratic and just weird. So after a few minutes I finally logged to check my email etc. I already had an email from Kit asking to talk to me. So I ping her to chat for a minute. She basically wanted to say thank you and hope things were not weird because of how things ended (ala all the hugging). I reassured her things were good and just ignored the photos other than to say that I had actually received them. Then a few minutes later, Kit asked Belle to ask me if she should change clothes before going shopping. I was still online and she had just been asking me, so not sure why she asked Belle to relay the question to me. But then why ask me about what to wear? I get the whole D/s concepts of TPE, but that is not our relationship so why ask me what to wear to go shopping later? The only rational thought that Belle and I could come up with is "co-dependent" which is a damn scary thought to me.

I'm most likely going to have to create some distance between us for a while so things can ebb back into more friendship conversations. There were already way too many conversations over the course of the week of why things were staying at friends only. I've reassured her in just about every way possible that it had nothing to do with her, other than the very simple fact that she is married. But I swear the more we talk, the more I get a feeling that she taking clingy/needy to extremes in a whole different world. I've tried talking and talking, being as straightforward, honest, and even down right blunt as I can be. I just think that I'm to a point where creating distance is about the only way for things to simmer back down. At the end of the day, I just keep seeing drama coming into the mix if I don't. And I don't need more drama in my life. Then again, who does?

Blog Awards

2009-02-24T11:46:00.004-05:00

That Rockin Chick, Amorous Rocker gave me an award! It is always great to see other people read what you have to say and then enjoy it enough to actually give you recognition. She is a great person and I really do enjoy reading her blog.

Here are the rules:“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Here are the recipients of the award from me: (there may be duplicates but these are the blogs that I really enjoy reading)

M (now private)

Amorous Rocker (not trying to create a cycle but she does deserve another one)

Another ending

2009-02-23T17:27:00.003-05:00

A few posts ago, I was talking about the "affair" and how things were going there. Kit and I spent a couple of weeks talking and reconnecting. Things got moving pretty darn fast atleast from my perspective. During the middle of it, Belle and I hit a road bump that we were able to work through pretty well. That actually caused me to take time to think some more on that relationship and see if more talking could help me with it. As I noted before, she is married and has been for almost 11yrs and has been faithful during that time. So that was causing me some turmoil because I didn't know how I felt about it but I did know I wanted to be there for her in any way I could but at the same time I didn't want to be the cause for their marriage to deteriorate. If not for me, I don't know that she would have been willing to cheat and see someone else, but it was due to our history and the past history that we had that was driving us down that path.

The more we talked, I really started to understand the level of love she had for me. There are alot of feelings there and I'm not able to reciprocate at that level, now or ever. That began to weigh on my mind as well because as such a great friend, I did not want to hurt her or build her hopes of something more when I knew well in advance that what I could offer was limited.

After a few more talks, this little voice in my head start screaming but I wasn't really listening too well, as I was really too caught up in the bliss that is Belle and I. Well, this past weekend Belle and Bro got away for a weekend together which gave me some time to think. I was originally scheduled to drive down and deliver a desk to her house on Saturday but earlier in the week that got moved to Sunday due to her work scheduled. Then Sunday it was potential for rain and even some snow flakes. Well the later in the day it got on Saturday, the more I kept thinking that I really didn't want to drive down there. (As you can tell from previous post, I love to drive so it was not the drive itself) I was almost hoping it would rain so I couldn't make the drive, and then I was coming up with back up plans for excuses like my daughter not feeling well (and she hadn't been on Friday and Saturday morning but was better by Saturday afternoon). I woke up early on Sunday morning and didn't see any rain, but now my shoulder was hurting like hell (I'm thinking stress related but who knows). That is when it hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn't the drive or going to see her that bothered me. It was simply the fact that I couldn't go through with having a relationship beyond friends with her. I couldn't be that guy that started her down the road of being unfaithful, and potentially the guy that broke her heart twice. I didn't want to use her even though I sure she would have been ok with that because she really just wanted to be with me. But that is not fair to her and in the end would have probably destroyed our friendship which means more to me than any tryst.

So Sunday morning she caught me online, and I laid it all out to her. She had a ton of questions and was very confused that it happened like it did. But I did everything to answer them and reassure her it was me having issues going forward and it was no reflection on her. I really do care about her and just can't go there. I do have a feeling she may try to persuade me to change my mind but I'm confident that its the best decision for me and anything else would just be a bad idea for everyone.

That is not the end of the story as it were. We already had plans to meet up somewhere for long lunch this coming weekend, and the plan is to still meet with the understanding we are just friends. I really hope she can leave it at just that and its an enjoyable day of just talking about old times and a nice lunch. We have talked about other things where her and her husband join my family for an afternoon in the area we live in, but if this meeting doesn't go so well, that will have to be nixed. My life has enough built in drama, I don't need anymore.

My plan, and I hope to stick to it. Just take things slow, and not go out really pursuing other options too quickly. The way things have gone with GF and now Kit, I need a mental break before trying this again. Its almost too funny how different those two are, one won't start and the other won't stop.

They are the we of me.

2009-02-17T14:05:00.004-05:00

They ARE the we of me. All apologies to Carson McCullers. And I'm not entirely using that the way she did. Frankie ends the book (Frankie, F. Jasmine, whatever you wanna call her) not completely happy with the whole we of me concept. But for me? They (Shad and the Dom) are my we. I belong when I'm with the two of them. They complete me.

We're in this amazing state right now. For all the scary emotion of Shad's last two posts, things are in this magical place for our little triangle. That which does not kill you makes you stronger, maybe? I'm not sure. But I do know that we have these little moments of complete peace right now. Complete synchronicity. We ebb and we flow. And we balance. And the beauty of it; it's not the lull before the storm, it's the rain washed freshness after. Where the landscape is altered, and little twigs lie littered all about. Here and there are gouges and scars, but you don't see them. You see the little bits of life peeking through the rubbish. You see the fresh scrubbed paths where it's been all grubby and dingy for months. You see the little things gone dormant and never shared. Misplaced. Forgotten. The little smiles hidden away in a forlorn existence, ready to burst forth and giggle at the simplest suggestion. You can smell it in the air. It's not spring. It's a cold snap here in our corner of the sunny south. But right now, I feel so alive, so refreshed, it could be the first break in a 40 year frost.

Right now, I belong. We three are golden. I know it's ephemeral and won't be this way forever. I know you can't survive on this kind of bliss alone. But I also know it won't be the last time I'll feel this way. Things will ebb and flow...floods will come and go. There will be icy days here and there, and short summer storms... But we know this place. We dream of it. And when the sun wanes and the storms come again, we'll seek it out. We'll come back. We will fill up on the bliss and take on another challenge. It's what we do. It's how our hearts beat. We reach and strive and suffer gladly for this. For these golden moments. For this collective breath in the sun.

They are the we of me.

Belle

Valentines Day

2009-02-16T17:41:00.004-05:00

See previous post for the start of the day (if you really want to, not the best part of the day). We finally got Valentines day started around 1PM Saturday. For over a week we had been planning to do our own fondue dinner together at home. So on Friday, we spent a few hours going to different grocery stores getting all the ingredients that we needed to make it just perfect. Well there was still a few things we had not gotten as of Saturday afternoon. So after some Mexican food to hold us over until our late dinner, we went to finish our grocery shopping. Around 4:30 to 5PM we finally got back home and I started by unloading the van. Soon enough we have everything set for the activities to happen later that evening.

At this point, I take some time to send Kit a Valentines e-card (Belle was encouraging me to make sure I got this taken care of, to see how big this was, go read the previous post). We both took a little down time at this point and said our Happy Valentines to Bro as well. Then we it was time to start our dinner prep work and the kids special valentines dinner.

Belle made the kids sandwiches on raisin bread with marshmallow fluff and Nutella sauce, with a side of fresh mango, and a mix macadamia nuts, dried fruit, and chocolate chip. Then for dessert was a Oreo no bake pie that I got to make. After the kids were done with dinner, I hurried them off to bed. Once the kids were tucked in, it was time to "dress" for the evening.

I picked out this beautiful pink nightie for Belle, and I went with dorky (red shorts and a t-shirt from Bro that talked about getting crabs *grins*) Of course we took some pics of me holding the nightie in front of me, and then in my final outfit. We sent those to Bro and GF for a laugh. Then Belle put her apron back on over her nightie and we got busy making the first course of the night.
As part of the setup, I moved the table from the kitchen into the living room, in front of the couch. Then Belle setup some candles on the front edge of the table. I picked out a couple of movies for us to watch. After the previous few days we needed comedy and something we have seen before so we didn't spend so much energy watching the movies. The selection for the evening was a double-header. Legally Blonde, and Legally Blonde 2. Shortly after the movie selection we realized we might not have enough garlic for everything we were cooking (we are HUGE garlic fans), so I ran out to the store to pick up some garlic. While there I debated on picking up a single rose for her, but Bro had already sent roses, and it just seemed like it was not necessary. So I decided to be a REAL dork and I bought a lottery ticket for her. I figured with the way things had gone this day, I felt lucky. So I used the only cash I had on me to buy her a ticket with 5 numbers on it. (She ended up winning $50 back on the ticket, where we reinvested $10 into another ticket and the rest went into her art fund).

The first course was an amazing salad (Panzanella) that had fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, red onions, homemade croutons, and a glaze to die for.

The second course was probably our least favorite of the evening, but I was being brave and crazy and trying something new to me. It was a cheese fondue that we borrowed from Melting Pot. It is called the Wisconsin Trio. The part that pushed it from good to just being ok was the Blue Cheese. I've never eaten Blue Cheese before and when we have eaten at Melting Pot, we believe we actually substituted another cheese for it before. But I did try it and probably ate more of it than Belle did, but it was definitely the least favorite of the entire meal.

For the main course, we did a Coq au Vin base fondue. We added thinly sliced mushrooms as well. Then we had spicy tequila lime shrimp, balsamic steak, mojito chicken, and teriyaki pork as the meats for cooking in the base. We added potatoes, beef ravioli, and portabella mushrooms. And the best part of this course, Belle made her own versions of the sauces from the Melting Pot from various recipes. Green Goddess, Gorgonzola Port, Teriyaki Glaze, Curry Mustard, Parsley and Garlic infused butter. We both really loved the steak as probably the best of the meats. The shrimp left a bit to be desired, but we are chalking that up to size and season for the shrimp.

For dessert, we did a Smores Chocolate Fondue. Our recipe was a bit different as we added some additional items like more marshmallow fluff, some Baily's and we left out the actual graham crackers. For dippers, we had angel food cake, marshmallows dipped in Oreo crumbles, pineapples, strawberries, and slice of cheesecake.

The way the evening went once the kids were in bed. We would prepare a course together in the kitchen, then we'd set the table in the living room. We would sit back with the movie playing, and enjoy the current part of the meal we were on. We would take breaks in between courses to make sure that we didn't get too full too fast. Plus it was great just sitting there together. After each course, we would clear the table and I would proceed to wash any dishes needed for the next course while Belle started the prep work. And it continued like this from about 8:30PM until nearly 1:30AM when we finished dessert. I snuggled up in Belle's arms for the ending of the second movie (which we both fell asleep on). We finally awoke a little after 2AM and headed up to bed. We snuggled up close to finish on what was the greatest, most amazing, and romantic evening we have ever spent together.

Almost forgot to include this, but the gifts that we gave each other were shared over the course of the week. The first gift given was by me to her, a small container of watch parts and gears. She uses these to do her steampunk art. She has been needing some of these so I wanted to support her interest. Then the next day I got a set of Guinness glasses with the matching ice bucket. I am a HUGE Guinness fan/lover. The darker the beer, the better for me. And it goes with my Guinness mirror that I have for when we redecorate the formal living room into a social lounge area. On Friday once it was determined that her last and hopefully best part of her gift was not going to make it on time (damn postal service), I went ahead and told her about it. Its a Leather Bound edition of Jane Austen: The Complete Novels, Deluxe Edition (Library of Literary Classics). She is a HUGE book fan, especially of the classic literature. Then she sent me to the garage to find where she hid the last part of my gift. It was a set of salad/pasta bowls that I had been wanting. Currently they are basic white, but she is going to personalize them with some of her artwork using ceramic paint. We got to use the bowls for dinner that evening. It was just so awesome. Just in case everyone reading didn't realize it, I'm a really big dork and love stuff like that. *grins*

I hope everyone had an amazing Valentines Day. Peace and Love to all.

An affair

2009-02-16T16:01:00.006-05:00

There has been so much going on over the past two weeks that I don't even quite know where to start but let's see if I can find get all of this out of my head in such a way that at least someone other than myself can understand it.

The last time I posted anything, I was going to take it easy and not spend any efforts on looking for a new partner. So that resulted in me talking to some new and old friends. While talking with friends and finding someone I can talk to when I'm having troubles talking to Belle or Bro and I just need to vent. This in some odd way resulted into a couple of things happening. First we found some old wounds that Belle had not shared. I think I've spent some time talking about this before but in my past I was a very different person. I had alienated my wife for many years with a very passive aggressive attitude towards her. I'm not quite sure why I was like that, maybe it was stress, immaturity, or the fact we are such different people (possibly some of all three). Over the past year or so, I have changed significantly. I've lost my passive aggressive attitude. I'm able to be completely supportive of my wife in everything that makes her who she is (ala her art, the love of dying her hair colors not found in nature, the need to be go to the beat of her own drummer, etc.). But the hard part with all of that, she has only in the past few months been able to really enjoy and reveal in the "new" me as it were. So when I was being supportive of friends in the ways I had not been with her for so very long (think many years), it triggered some old hurt, anger, resentment, etc. And honestly, it was all very well justified. No I should not pay for my past sins forever but I respect the fact that my wife needs more time of having this to herself before I share it with others.

So what became of that, we have learned that we still have some layers of issues that still need work but because we have some so far and now share a love stronger than at any other point in our life, it is well worth the periods of time when we hit a nerve as it were. So we have spent a couple of weeks really bonding, talking in depth about our feelings, and just being. We both have tendencies to over analyze things to extremes, and forget to some times just enjoy what we have and just be, no discussions/analysis etc. So we have learned how to just BE. It has been a very amazing journey that I'm not sure would have been possible if you had asked me just a few months ago.

This is where Kit comes into the picture. I had found an old friend via Facebook a month or so back and we had been chatting periodically. We have known each other about 14.5 years. There were 4 years where we were just friends, another year where we were friends, lovers, and confidants. Then we both got married and we only saw each other about a dozen times over the next 4 years. Then for the past almost 5.5 years we had not talked at all. Then all of a sudden there she was on FB and we were able to catch up and talk again. You know that kind of friend where no matter how long it has been, you can immediately just pick up where you left off and keep on talking. Soon enough we found ourselves talking more frequently and then one evening she brings up the past. At this point, as a way to reassure her that Belle is cool with our past, I decide to share the fact that Belle and I have an Open Marriage (additional thoughts to share on that later). She was actually the first friend that I have confided in about my marriage. So we began talking more, and I was explaining more about what an open marriage meant etc.

After several conversations with her, I was laying in bed talking with Belle talking about the state of things and where I saw it going. Based on conversations up to that point I told Belle we were taking it slow and letting things develop. At that point I did confess to Belle that Kit was someone I could find myself loving. Just given our history together, and how much I have always cared for her as my friend I knew it was a possibility. Up to this point, I've been very skeptical if I could actually love any one else as more than just a friend. I do share openly about myself and I care for people, but actually loving someone is not always an easy thing for me as it were. I am very bad to hold in ALOT of my emotions.

So over the next few days, more conversations were had with Kit (IM and Phone). She was showing a definite interest in reconnecting and letting things grow beyond just being friends. So we started looking for a time when we could meet and spend time together doing just such. Therefore we have a Saturday in late February where we plan to meet and spend the day catching up and just reconnecting. This is difficult because she is married and well he doesn't know. He still views us as "brother and sister" type friends, so we are leveraging that to atleast get some time alone together.

One evening we were talking, probably for atleast 3 hrs over IM and talking about the past and our emotions towards each other. Those emotions had been boxed up so neatly for so very long. When we went beyond friends years ago, it was agreed that we were friends and sometimes we "helped" each other out, but we are still friends. Well all of that bonding led to us saying, "love ya" as we signed off on IMs that night. At first it was kinda surreal in my mind, mostly that I said it myself. But about this same time, Belle was having some issues of her own so I had kinda shut down my brain/emotional bank and was putting all my energies into making her feel better. By Wednesday night (late, like 2AM), Belle had her issues resolved and my brain switched back on.

So by Thursday morning I was getting comments from Belle that I seemed distant, which usually means I'm thinking way too much but not sharing what I'm thinking or feeling. So instead of keeping all those feelings buried deep inside of me, and because things between Belle and I were so great, I started spewing my brain out (atleast to me it seemed like I was). I was talking about how difficult it was to manage or comprehend caring about two people so much within my own head. The problem was, I was not sharing enough details about what was going on between Kit and I. Because of our need for transparency this was starting to set off fire alarms with her. Because of other life things going on, Belle was busy most of the day Thursday. So I ended up spending part of my afternoon talking with Kit online since she was off work early that day. It was another very deep bonding time, and again the I love you were shared. Thursday evening is normally when Bro, Belle, and myself get together to watch our favorite TV shows that we have recorded for the week. (by get together, we turn on the cams, get on the phone, and watch our shows in sync together, so its a very virtual together) Because Kit was still wanting to talk more, I brought my laptop to the living room with me to talk while we watched TV. (there is a precedence for this as Belle usually has her laptop with her when she watches TV, for things like playing a game etc. Its a concentration thing)

So I spent the evening watching TV and bonding with Kit some more. After a comment or two from Belle about me not really watching TV, I started trying to focus on the TV more and less on talking but that wasn't going so well. By the time I had sent Kit to bed and Bro had signed off I knew that Belle was unhappy about something. So instead of leaving it alone, I started asking her questions. I knew I had not done a good job balancing my attentions that evening, but figured I could just leave my laptop in my office in the future to avoid the issue. Unfortunately it seemed there were still other things eating at Belle so we started talking even more in depth. We all have irrational fears that live inside our heads that eat at us from time to time. This was a night of when hers were really bothering her, so I attempted to reassure of things. But the real problem was, Kit had asked me not to share what we had been talking about. Not thinking about the time, I agreed to that since the info at the time was specific to Kit and not related to me or our relationship together. Because I was not able to tell Belle any details this was just making things worse. Then out of the blue, Belle asked if we had exchanged I love yous. I confessed that it has occurred, and that is when things got rather rocky for us both. At this point, she felt betrayed by me because I had not been up front and shared this much sooner. I was caught flat footed because at this point I was still trying to get my head around what was happening between Kit and myself. The root of the issue was poor timing (the week of Valentines, and during the middle of the strongest bonding period that we had in a our lives together, and the speed at which the other relationship was going. Toss in the fact I was having a hard time talking about things with Belle, we have WWIII).

(NOTE from BELLE: I just wanted to add here.....part of the issue was timing, yes, but also the mindset I had. As he said, he wasn't telling me much of what was going on, because of the request. I was asking how things were, what was up, what were they discussing for hours on end, and essentially getting, "just stuff. catching up on the past, talking about what she's been up to the past few years...." Coupled with "I don't know where this is going to go. We're taking it slow. I don't know if it's even a possibility." And the kicker...."She's someone I COULD love." And I was very much okay with that. I thought I had time to get my head in the right space for it. Could was potential. It was not in my face at 2 am and being forced to deal with right then and there. And that's where timing came in. I wasn't thinking he could be getting that deeply involved, that quickly with someone "new" (past not withstanding) while we were bonding the way we were, right before Valentine's Day. I had been pushing The Dom away a bit to work on the issues at hand, and we were planning this amazing day. So when I found out, I was seriously blindsided. Between the timing and my ignorance of where things stood and were progressing to, and how quickly, it preyed on a lot of insecurities that my rational mind can push aside. And I think on some level, I felt like her feelings were being chosen over mine. That it was okay to make promises to her that ran contrary to our mantra of sorts. Almost everything accomplished in the last year in our marriage and understanding has come back to this one word. Transparency. The thing we put in place so that feelings wouldn't get pinched, hearts wouldn't get cracked... All of those things together...and well....you get Hurricane Belle. (You get Hurricane Belle when you go to strip clubs without telling her, get drunk, can't drive home and won't tell her where you are at 3 am, too, BUT that's another story. The point being...He's seen Hurricane Belle before, survived that one as well, and knows at the end of the day I love him dearly and will work through things, no matter what it takes.) I love him. And I think the world of Kit. There's a past there that brings a lot of insecurity to the forefront. But that past is what makes her understand the parts of him I don't so well.)

The more Belle talked the more I realized what I had done. By not sharing things sooner and by agreeing to not share certain things with Belle at Kit's request, I had essentially been having an affair. Once that sunk in, I began to feel like the most miserable, sorry ass SOB that you can imagine. We would spend until almost 4am going back and forth that night. Then things got going again shortly after the kids were at school the next morning. She was very angry and hurt by the fact I was not sharing with her, and the fact things had been moving so fast with Kit. She was now not sure if my happiness was because of her or because of how things were going with Kit. All of this doubt was creeping in and causing things to get worse. I kept trying to explain the different levels of love as I perceive them. I have basic love for my friends, then special love for my family and really special people in my life. And then I have, in love, which is where I have given my heart and soul to her. The only love that could even come close to that is the love for my kids and parents, but those are in such different ways that you can't compare the two. During the day we would get to the points where things seemed like they were getting better, but then we would have another blow up. All of this was rattling around in Belle's head causing the anger to reappear. So during the day, I sent an email to Kit explaining that Belle and I came as a package, and there could be no secrets between us. And by me agreeing not to share things with Belle left me in position where I was then forced to lie to one of them, because Belle and my agreement to be transparent requires no secrets. There came a point late Friday night that the secrets were starting to tear Belle and I apart, so I broke down and shared a summary of the things that Kit and I had been talking about to help her understand and start the rebuilding process. Because I had realized that my wife had to always be put first and such I took a chance that Kit would understand even though I didn't have a response back from her at this point. Later that evening, we got to a point where I thought things were going to be ok. At that point I was cuddling next to her on the couch, and fell asleep. (by this point I had slept about 12hrs over the past 3 days) But during the night as we slept, Belle would reach out for me but then pull back away. So when I was awaken by the kids around 7am Saturday morning (Valentines day), I was feeling so much guilt, pain, and absolutely hating myself for what I had done to her. And I still had not shared the details of what had taken place on Thursday. So I laid there in bed just feeling horrible for the next couple of hours while she slept, and it was a very angry sleeping. Her breathing would get very deep and fast for periods of time. When she finally woke up, the gates of hell broke open. She was still so upset and unable to get all of this out of her head. She was getting more angry by the second, and I thought my only option was to agree to halt things between Kit and I (ie anything beyond being friends). But after a couple hours of talking, she understood how I felt and why things had been so hard for me as well. And then I finally just exploded with all the significant details I could recall in some hopes of salvaging my marriage (atleast that is how I felt at that point). Soon enough we were laying there and she started by talking about how I must have felt when Bro and her were getting together. This led to more discussions instead of screaming. She didn't want me to end things with Kit, but she needed to know that Kit understood our need more transparency and that Belle was always going to come first in my life. Things got to the point that we finally connected so well that we made love. This gave me hope that Valentines Day had some chance to be salvaged at this point.

After getting downstairs, I checked my email and thankfully I had gotten a response back from Kit that night that she understood my position and did not want me to feel like I was having an affair. This just lifted a boulder off my shoulders and I started to breath again. Belle and I were starting to rebuild and Kit was going to remain apart of my life.

I also want to say, that during all of this Bro was kinda kept out of the loop, but did such an amazing job of being there to support both Belle and I during the periods of time when we were talking with him. He is such an amazing friend (ala why he is my Bro).

For the rest of Valentines Day, see next post.

Pain....oh glorious Pain!

2009-01-30T16:07:00.003-05:00

OK, by most all accounts I have a very high threshold for pain. Right now I'm fucking miserable. This past Friday I woke up in a kink in my neck and took some inflammatory meds I had to help calm it down which it seemed to after a couple of days. By Monday I was feeling much better and all was great until Wednesday evening. While snuggled up watching TV with Belle (and Bro via phone/cams) I noticed my neck and shoulder were a bit tight/sore. As I tried to sleep through the night it just kept getting worse, to the point I started taking pain killers at 6AM. Any and all attempts to sleep were just futile. Every small motion of my head results in a very sharp stabbing sensation in my neck and shoulder.

Where does this pain reside at, along the right side of my neck starting behind my ear, down to my shoulder, across my shoulder, deep inside the shoulder, down my right arm to the elbow and back up across the shoulder blade. So I decided being its a Friday I would go see the doctor to make sure all is well and get something to relax the muscles. I got some stronger inflammatory meds and muscle relaxers and came home for a nap (the drugs make you drowsy so why fight it eh?). After a two hour nap, I feel just as bad if not worse and these fucking muscle relaxers really really really really suck. I didn't have expectation of instant fix but I sure did expect some relief.

So now I sit waiting for the doctor to call me back with other options or a prescription for something REALLY STRONG. So back to "relaxing" I go....oh glorious glorious pain!

Happy Friday to All.

An Anniversary from TheDom's Point of View

2009-01-27T22:31:00.004-05:00

So while Bro went away for his weekend with GF, I went down to Belle and Bro's place for a weekend of herd tending, and also to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of the collaring of Belle.

Having left later then I would have liked on Friday (kids and school you know), I got to Belle's place early evening. After feeding the kids and getting all tucked in beds, Belle and I settled in for some TV time and Sheppard’s Pie (while yes I'm bias). It was one of the best Pies I have had (my step mom used to make them all the time). We ate and watched some TV, then we moved upstairs to enjoy bedtime cuddle time. After checking on the herd, we got settled in the guest bed room and I proceeded to present Belle with her new collar. The current one was a bit of a pain when her hair got caught in it. We spent a wonderful evening of bonding, then woke to kids bouncing around the house and a need to figure out breakfast and a plan keep the kids busy for part of the day. After getting ready we packed the herd up in the van and headed out to the movies, then over to the craft store to pick up some stuff on sale.

On the topic of craft stuff, my kids adore both Bro and Belle; but when they found out we were heading down for the weekend, their first thought was shouting, “ we get to do art with Ms Belle.” My eldest, per Belle, is a natural artist, and I am beyond tickled pink that Belle wants to help her grow.

So after some art time in the studio, we fed the kids and I picked up dinner for Belle and myself, then we settled the herd in for bed and ourselves in for some TV. The herd eventually drifted into dreamland, and Belle and I headed up for a bit of fun and more cuddle time in bed.

Got up the next morning, packed things up and ran out for breakfast; then back to Belle's place to get in the car and head out.

It has been a great year, with many ups and a few downs; but over all I would not give it up for anything.

First and foremost Bro, I love you like real brother, as I have stated many times over. I’m there no matter what.

Belle, you are the best, I cannot see myself without you in my life. Here is to a great year and life to come. I love you very much.

TheDom

A trip, an ending, and emotions revisited

2009-01-27T19:40:00.002-05:00

I had a long weekend where I went away to spend time along with GF. I picked her up her place on Friday afternoon and drove to a nearby coastal city. I had managed to hit the sweet spot where we arrived at the hotel before rush hour on Friday and got checked into the hotel. We went to do a little grocery shopping (the hotel room was actually a suite with a kitchen, living room, and bedroom) so I could cook dinner Friday night. We had chicken and couscous, followed by some bananas fosters. We had some white wine to go with dinner as well. I managed to cook the chicken w/o burning it (that is not always easy on a new stove with pans that are not yours), and GF went ahead and cooked the couscous since it only required some boiling water. After dinner we decided to wait on dessert so that we were not too stuffed. We had started watching some TV while cooking and eating dinner so we continued snuggled up on the couch after dinner. Around 8PM the shows went off and we started watching "Homeward Bound II" (which is a cute movie and not a bad second movie in the series). After the movie I made dessert, which was quite heavenly if I must say so myself. We started "Coyote Ugly" during dessert and snuggled back up together after we finished with dessert. The snuggling was our typical where I hold her in some way or another, and occasionally she will touch me on the arm or leg. Things just never seem comfortable enough to go beyond this level of interaction. To make things worse, I had a really painful kink running down my neck through my shoulder and down to my elbow (of course it was on the same arm I was holding her with). After "Coyote Ugly", we went to bed (separate beds). I tossed and turned for a while trying to get comfortable at all, and thinking about if all of this made sense because there was still a great divide between GF and I. After struggling to sleep for a while, I took some pain meds (good stuff) to help my muscles relax. Somewhere in all of this I managed to forget and call Belle to say goodnight (a MAJOR screw up). So around 1:30am I got multiple calls from Belle and it was only the last one that woke me enough to see her call and call her back. Lets just say I felt like a complete and total moron at this point, and I apologized for my lapse in thought. I went back to bed after talking to Belle for a while and apologizing ALOT. Every time I would start to drift off again my neck and shoulder would drive me nuts or GF would move and I'd look over at her. I think I did get to sleep around 7am and managed to stay that way until about 8:45.

Around 9:15 GF and I got up to and started getting showers (separate). We grabbed a quick breakfast at Starbucks and headed over to the aquarium that was nearby. We spent about 4 hours at the aquarium, looking at the dolphin show, sharks, and many many many other aquatic animals from different parts of the world. It was a good time (other than the really warm rooms that drove me nuts, I hate being hot and I was wearing shorts and a tshirt with an avg temp of 23F outside) at the aquarium. Afterwards we headed over to the Cheesecake Factory for some lunch which was excellent as always. We decided to go shopping before having dessert. We went to The Body Shop, Bath & Body Works, Barnes & Nobles, and a few others. Afterwards we stopped back by Cheesecake Factory to pick up some cheesecake (Peppermint Bark, very tasty). With GF bundled up like an Eskimo and me in shorts we headed back to the hotel (the wind was blowing quite stiffly off the ocean and the sun had been down over an hour by this point, so it was getting into the teens with a windchill into low teens). GF made herself some coffee to help her warm back up, while I started "The Long Kiss Goodnight". This time I got to snuggle with her legs as she propped on me while drinking the coffee. After the first movie was over, she changed into a bathing suit while I got the massage table setup. She had started coming down with a bit of a cold the previous evening so I only ended up massaging her back for her. After the massage, we got a call from Bro and Belle so we could say goodnight to the kids. (I promised to call back before going to bed this night, "good boy"). Then we got the cheesecake, some wine out, and started watching "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" (yes I brought ALOT of chick flicks with me cause I knew what she'd like and they are all good movies that I own). We shared the cheesecake and then snuggled up next to each other. Tonight was a little different as I didn't' really hold her, I simply was a position to stroke her arm and leg, but she also would stroke my arm while we snuggled up together. It was one of those nights I kept just wanting to kiss her, but the moment never seemed right or where she seemed receptive. I really really hate that feeling because I love kissing. After the movie, she got up and started getting ready to go to bed. I did manage a hug and I kissed her cheek. I did call Belle before heading to bed. Afterwards I laid in bed thinking if things are going to be like this, then something has to change.

The next day we got up a bit earlier and made it to breakfast at the hotel before packing up to leave. After loading up the truck for the drive back home I tried to get the GPS setup for the trip, but for some damn reason it could not find a satellite. I had borrowed it from Belle as I rarely ever need one. So I decided to be adventurous and just head out and see if I could find my way back to the interstate. This went pretty well since I found enough signs to guide me back to the interstate. I thought I was set but then after getting back on I remembered I had made a couple of highway interchanges going in and figured I would need to do the same going back, but still no GPS and I could not quite remember which one. So I make a comment about this, basically as commentary, her response was I'll just call Bro as he'll know which road to take. I'm not one of those guys that has a problem asking for directions and I even frequently bring hard copy of directions with me on all trips (the ones I had this time were different than the route we came in on). But as she said that, all I could do was scream in my head, "I DON'T FUCKING NEED TO CONSULT BRO FOR EVERY DAMN THING I DO". Don't get me wrong, I love Bro, but there are occasions when both women defer to him and this was one of those days where I didn't need someone second guessing me. To make a long story short though, the next sign I came to had a marking for the road I wanted to be on and the call to Bro was averted. The trip back to her house went pretty smooth overall, but given my mood I was quite a bit quieter than I'm normally am. (I talk alot if you can't tell from my lengthy posts, so when I'm quiet there is usually a reason but not ALWAYS) I kept wanting to talk to her but everytime I thought it was a good time something about the kids would come up and we'd get back to talking about our families again. We made good time getting back to her house and I helped her into the house. We chatted for a few minutes, again hoping that just maybe a kiss would happen. A couple of hugs and a kiss on cheek AGAIN. As an adult I really do not enjoy the middle-school type relationship. I left very frustrated and not sure what to do, so I spent the next 10 minutes arguing with myself as I drove towards home.

I finally decided I just had to talk to her regardless of the outcome, cause I couldn't take this. (I feel like such a dope for letting things get like this cause this is so not me which is why I keep wanting to beat my own ass) I called her while driving and basically started off with, "Are you happy with how things are between us or do you actually want something else (more or less)?" I got some thing about not able to do anything right now but maybe in a year or two. To me that was a bunch of horse shit, because the question is pretty simple, and so I reiterated. "Do YOU WANT something more?" And the short of it was, "No". That was not something she was capable of right now so being friends is where we are, and just friends. I was quite a bit depressed that it worked out that way even though I had really expected that to be the way it was going to happen. So unless she comes to be saying she wants more than to be just friends, then we are just friends and I'm going to have to keep my eyes open for other opportunities because I need more.

By that point, I thought my day was pretty about as shitty as it could get. I was wrong. Things between Belle and I got rather tense during the drive and over the next couple of days. We had some how regressed back to where we were over a year ago. Being on different pages, on eggshells around each other, and not really talking about our feelings. And of course we both blame ourselves. But I'm personally been having a major crisis of faith in myself for the past few months. Work has been something that I just go to, but don't really feel like I accomplish anything most days. GF and I seemed like up, down, one step ahead, three steps back. And to make things worse, Belle and I had been getting out of sorts. I was back to holding my emotions in and the way I viewed my self (ala self-esteem and self-confidence) was shattered. All of this was leading me to despair, anger, and jealousy. Do you ever just think, damn I hate myself? Well I do get like that because I put alot of pressure on myself to get things right and when I can't then I fall into the trap. I married someone my exact opposite in so many ways that usually leads to the struggles we run into. To make things worse I'm a perfectionist and I do believe I can do or fix anything so I know I'm difficult to live with. I also some how manage to do things I think are "fixing" things but usually result in the exact opposite results. The best but also the hardest part for me, Bro is such a great guy. Those two are always on the same wave length and just "get each other", so when compared to that, I come up short (no pun intended, I'm shorter than Bro).

The good news is that after lots of talking and I do mean serious talking, Belle and I are getting better and back on track. I still have alot of work to do, so I probably won't be actively looking for another partner but I'll keep my eyes open for opportunities should they present themselves.

Belle, just because I'm a dork like this. "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING", and wanted everyone else to know it too :-)

Interview from his Bro

2009-01-21T20:14:00.006-05:00

Note this post has not been reviewed / edited by my editor.. so Belle no red penning it ;)

1. What does being a Dominant mean to you and what aspects of being a Dominant most appeal to you?

For me being a Dominant is about accepting the responsiblity of the control that Belle has given me. Until Belle and I found each other, I really thought that total and absolute control was what I was seeking, since then its more about working with controls I have and being the final say in that area. While total control over someone life is a great idea its not practical for us. On many occasions Belle has offered a suggestions that have changed what I thought my final thought.

One of the best things about being a Dominant is the aftercare. *grins at Belle*

2. If you could celebrate only one holiday for the rest of your life, which holiday would it be, where would it take place, who would be included (if anyone), what would you want to happen on that holiday, and of course WHY?

Wow, so many choices my first thought was Christmas, then I swung over to Fourth of July, then to Thanksgiving... so lets touch each one in turn

Fourth of July - great holiday of the summer, I also very patreotic and truly enjoy the celebatrion of our country founding and indepenance

Christmas - its the season of giving, of joy, of faith.

Thanksgiving - I love the idea of giving thanks and family coming togather. I love hosting Thanksgiving at my house, but as long as family is togather then im good, my family (that includes Belle and Bro), we gather someones house, dinner would be prepared, hang out have fun, being its normally a 4 day weekend it would be 4 days of holiday time. As for why, its a great time to come togather and be with family and enjoy each other and reflect on what we have to be thankful for.

3. You enjoy sex, so what is your favorite sexual act, what aspect of sex appeal to you the most, and if it was taken away from you what will you miss the most and what would you do instead?

Tough choice, as much as I like sex I dont know if I have a favorite, but if i must choose, I would say intercourse, I love taking care of my partner, giving her pleasure and helping her reach climax which is what sex is all about, if i could no longer have sex (does this include masterbation) the enjoy of watching my partner, reach that peak and be pushed over as they orgasm. if i couldnt do that I guess I would go back to gaming on the PS3, Wii or PC. (oh and play paintball *ducks*)

4. As a natural Dominant, what makes a good submissive. Now put yourself in the role of the submissive, what aspects of being a good submissive would be the most challenging for you and why?

Good question. First what makes a good submissive for me may not make a good submissive for someone else (if you look the S word post you will see my comment Belle and I work well for each other) So what makes a good submissive for me, in a single word Belle. I am not looking for someone to give me total control over there life, while its nice for a bit of time, its not sometime that works day to day. I have someone in Belle who keeps me on my toes but allows me explore my Dominant side. I am a firm believer in you can not understand what a sub is feeling if you have not experienced it yourself, no I am not submissive by any means but if I am to understand what Belle is feeling, thinking or experiencing then at times i have to put myself in that place and that is a big challenge for me.

5. After you have left this world, what do you want people to remember the most about you?

Hopefully when I move on from this world, people remember / say that I was the person they knew they could count on to be there for them no matter what, that he went out going at full speed not looking back or regretting.

Belle's interview from that guy that lives here.

2009-01-21T19:25:00.008-05:00

You know, as opposed to the guy that doesn't live here. *ahems*

1. What does being a submissive mean to you and what aspects of being submissive most appeal to you?

Being submissive for me is letting go and putting myself in the Dom's hands. And that's not so easy for me. Again, I'm strong willed; I'm opinionated. I'm independent to a fault and I hate rules. I question authority and rebel against it. I always have. I rebel, period. I have a serious control streak. I HAVE to be in control of my surroundings. And I think a lot of that comes from a childhood, that while rosy for the most part (and I'm not being sarcastic when I say that, it was truly idyllic), had an area where I had no control and I fight the scars of that portion to this day.

Being submissive means letting go of that control. Handing the reins over and letting someone make my rules. And you know how that goes. It's a week to week battle for how long I let the rules stand before I start fighting to take the control back. There's the week or two of contentment, then the few weeks of controlled breathing and I can do this...Then I get neurotic. And break, then start the cycle again. But those few weeks of contentment, the quiet in my brain...the mental muscles relaxing for a little while, letting the stress cramps ease...it's nice. I like the concept of not having to THINK so much for a little while here and there. I'm not sure I can ever, or want to ever, completely turn everything over...but those moments are nice.

Oh, and then there's that sex part, too. I like that part. *smirks* (That whole "We're not fair" thing he gets to throw out there? Yeah....not my favorite *ducks*.)

2. If you could travel to any place in the world, where would you go, how long would you spend there, who would you want to go with you, what do you want to see or do while there, and most importantly WHY?

I know this is where most people say far off and exotic places, but...I'm a huge fan of my own country. Not saying I wouldn't love to visit Europe, or go to Sweden. Those places have their place in my list, too. But I love the things in my own backyard. I love the bits of this country that have personality. I love the idea of touring the South and hitting all the points of literature and history. Oxford, Mississippi; Asheville, NC (Okay, we've hit Wolfe's house, but that concept); Atlanta as a tourist, not as a native; dive the Queen Anne's Revenge (and we will someday); explore Civil War battlefields... Those are the things and places I love. The parks and historic sites. A road trip in the camper. Spend weeks.

I'm torn on who I would take. On one hand, I love sharing those things with you and the kids. Y'all bring out the kid in me, and I see things in a new light. On the other hand, I love the idea of doing a trip like that with you and Sir. I love the three of us when we're all on the same page and things are shiney. There's a rhythm and a flow, and we are a golden, wonderful thing.

As for why? Because a person is a sum of their parts. And I'm an English degree, a park ranger, an artist, a teacher. The person I am dwells in dusty halls and yellowed books....green expanses and craggy mountainsides.

3. What do you enjoy reading and why?

Anything? *grins* I just love books. One of the worst arguments one ex (the other fiancee, technically) ever had was that computers would replace books. That there would be no need and books would just fade away. There IS a need. There always will be. Books are the soul of humanity. To hold one in your hand and see worlds come alive in the quiet of your imagination. To not have Google two screens over and have to discern a word based on context alone. To have to pick up another book to confirm a reference, and find two more paragraphs you HAVE to read while you are there. A computer can never replace that. It can't fill the nooks and crannies in the attic of your mind the way a book can. For those reasons, I enjoy reading anything. Everything. Be it fine literature, the classics of the ages, or a trashy romance book - just seeing the words come alive in my brain makes it magical. A craft book even - it's non-fiction, yes, but the ideas and places to go....I get carried away. That's what books do.

4. If you were made "Grand Pooba" and able to change or create just one law, what would it be and why?

Gay marriage. I only have one, it'll take a lot more than that to make major changes in economy and world peace. Let's start a little smaller. Because really, it is a small thing. The right to get a piece of paper. But it's a piece of paper that defines someone's whole life. I am who I am because I am part of you. I bear your last name. I co-parent your children. I dwell in the same house as you. We are a part of each other. And I can look at anyone and say you are my spouse. Not partner, not significant other, and for all I joke, not the guy who lives here. My SPOUSE. One word. And I have far too many friends and relatives, that have loved longer and harder than I can dream; who can't. Who have to find convoluted ways of making sure the other is taken care of after their passing; who have to live in a half life of being ALMOST. All I have to do is utter one word. SPOUSE. And they cannot.

5. After you have left this world, what do you want people to remember most about you?

That I lived and loved passionately. I sucked the marrow out of life. I want people to say, "she had no regrets."

Wednesday Weirdness #39

2009-01-21T11:31:00.002-05:00

Wednesday Weirdness questions; Click here to play along.

1.) Do you drive with your hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel?

No, I use one hand most of the time. I use the other hand to shift, adjust the radio, or hold hands with Belle or GF.

2.) How long do you keep cards given to you on birthdays and holidays before throwing them away? If you don't throw them out, what do you do with them?

Generic ones from extended family, just a few weeks. Those from Belle, forever. There is a file folder in my filing cabinet after it has been a few weeks and then a large cardboard box in my closet for the older stuff.

3.) If, when you die, you could will any one of your characteristics to your children (child/future children), what would it be and why?

My sense of loyalty and ability to make friends with anyone.

4.) What is the best personality trait you got from your mother and the best personality trait that you got from your father?

My mother: My sense of hard work, sacrifice, and loyalty.

My father: My ability to be lazy. (see the conflict here???)

5.) What is something that you wish you had a better understanding of?

Women; BCS; and what makes people prejudiced against others.

6.) What makes you nervous?

Having to have difficult or not pleasant conversations with others. I hate to create unrest and I hate to be "in trouble" as it were. Damn childhood!!!!

7.) What is the strangest household object that you have ever or would ever use for help in masturbation?

I've thought of many, but never really used anything not meant for that before. We do have a rather large toybox ;-)

8.) What do you have sitting on the counter top in your bathroom?

Hand soap, toothpaste container, toothbrush holder, hand towel holder, electric razors (one is more of a trimmer from when I had a full goatee, and another is actual a shaver), meds/vitamins, cotton swab holder, and other things that are Belle's.

Brought to you by the Letter "S"

2009-01-20T21:56:00.002-05:00

The letter was assigned by Holly so you can see our Scintillating and Salacious scrabble words below. As you will notice all of us played the game together.

How you play:

You leave a comment (asking for a letter) on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place/blog. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

Simple: I like the simple things in life (Shad)
Savannah: Its an awesome southern city with amazing charm that Belle and I love to visit. (Shad) Its the queen city from the greatest state in the union. (Belle)
Smile/Smirk: Belle has the most amazing smile and a smirk when I tease her that is just so absolutely adorable. (Shad)
Sensual: I'm a very visual person, so I tend to enjoy things that are pleasing to the eye (for those wondering, yes Belle is very sensual). (TheDom)
Scintillating/Salacious: scintillating - adj. : brilliantly lively, stimulating, or witty / sa·la·cious - adj. 1 : arousing or appealing to sexual desire or imagination : lascivious 2 : lecherous , lustful (Belle - "Me me me!?" Either of you disagree?)
Serenity: The most amazing movie based on the series FireFly by Joss Whedon. The same movie that we view during the "Can't Stop Serenity" tour. (Shad) Big Damn Heroes (Belle)
submissive/sub: Uh that would be me? Sorta? Kinda? Maybe? I mean, I am. But by some standards, I'm not very good at it. I'm opinionated and strong-willed. And I hate rules with a passion. I suppose that's the thrill for Sir. (Look at that, caps and everything. Ahem) When I *DO* manage to bend to his will...it's a little bigger deal than someone who's actually inclined? (Belle) A submissive is one who willingly submits - what Belle is to me - while Belle and I agree that neither of us fall into the standard definition of Dom or sub. We work well for each other. (TheDom)
Snark: See Belle; she is the epitome of snark (Shad) er....me? um.....NOT FAIR. I'm outvoted. (Belle) what Belle is doing when running the red light... (TheDom)
Shiney (the 'e' is for extra shininess): I'm not ADHD, really, I'm....Hey, is that a butterfly? (Belle)
Sex/Sexual/Sexy: Now? More? Anytime? Doggie-style :-) With GF!?!? Anyone else want to join me? (Shad) I have two partners and a huge toy box. Do I really need to say more? (Belle) its what every red blooded American guy wants all the time. (the huge toy box is a major plus) (TheDom)
(bonus) Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: any 's' word list needs this word (TheDom)

Interview by Amorous Rocker

2009-01-20T17:09:00.003-05:00

1. What are your biggest pet peeves?

I have several but I'll try to come up with my top ones.

Lazy and stupid people (morons). They want everything in the world, and do not want to do anything and expect hard working people to support them. Sadly enough my own dad falls into this category which is probably why it is the top of my list. I think everyone should have a job that wants one, and I believe we should enable people to better themselves by giving people opportunities to learn skills either via college or trade schools. But people have to truly want it and be willing to work for it.

People in the service industry that do not have the personality or people skills necessary to work in that industry. If you can not be pleasant and seem like you want to be doing your job, then find another job. If you are pissed off, unhappy, or just not a pleasant person then WHY get a job where you job is to interact with people and help them with things as simple as taking their money, or handing them some item they requested.

People who do not know how to drive. Those people who are talking/txting while driving down the road with no idea or care of the people around them. Those people who drive below the speed limit (and its a pretty clear day, no bad weather), especially those on the interstate. If you are on a rural 2-lane road, then whatever. But people on an interstate who drive the speed limit or less and they just sit in the fast lane. Stop talking, txting, and DRIVE! If you do not know where you are going, stop, get a map/buy a GPS, and then proceed once you KNOW where you are going. And of course, anyone who doesn't know the basics of driving like using your signal, or turning on red, etc. If you need to, take the class again until you know the rules of the road.

2. Who has most inspired you in your life thus far and why?

My Mom. She is the most amazing woman I have ever known in my life. She wanted kids so she had my sister and I. She realized my dad was worthless and got rid of his ass. She took to raising us on her own. She tried to find a new husband and after realizing that he was a piece of shit, left him as well. Again she finds a new husband, and this time found a good guy that was good to her and willing to take on two kids (and he already had two kids of his own). She has scarified anything for us to make sure we had anything we ever needed. She also was the most understanding Mom you can have. She is not judgemental, and does not pry into your business. She only offers her opinion/thoughts when asked or when she sees you doing something really dangerous. She even went to college while working a full time job and taking care of two kids because she wanted to better herself. She is the honest, hard working, no bullshitting woman with a great sense of humor. (All of that is why I never let kids in school get away with "mama jokes", it usually resulted in them getting a beat down. OK I had a quick temper as well in school since I followed the logic that if you let anyone pick on you early in your childhood then you would get picked on the rest of your life, so I would fight cause no one was ever going to pick on me. It worked! *grins* )

3. What are your three biggest fears?

Anything happening to my family and friends.
Divorce; I remember my childhood and what it meant to me when my parents were divorced. I do not want that for my kids and I could never imagine being w/o my girl. She is the greatest!
Getting old, and I mean seriously old like 80s/90s old. Not being in control of myself and my own life. I'd rather just die than "become a kid again".

4. What is the biggest upside to having an open marriage?

The best thing about an open marriage would be the fact I'm now closer to my wife because all of this has led to open honest communication. There is now transparency that was not always there. Anything that leads to more love and a stronger bond can not be bad.

5. How do you define sexy?

This is a hard one. I don't believe it is the traditional definition that many people have. I find my wife sexier when she is not dressed up or doing anything special. That simple elegant look that screams I'm just me. I do love when she dresses up but sometimes the days when she doesn't even try is so much better. Sexy is also being uninhibited, because it means there is no holding back, no fear, just straight out honest feelings and emotions. The ability to just talk and laugh together is sexy. Cooking; I love to cook and my wife loves to cook and now we love to cook together. Its just so sexy getting together in the kitchen and cooking together especially when we are in perfect sync (kinda like a musical production). I like the simple things in life and that is what I consider sexy. The last element of it is, someone WANTING to do something and WANTING to be with you. That just really screams sexy to me.

Here are the rules if you want to participate in 5 Questions.

Comment in the posts with "Interview Me". If your profile does not include an email address then send it to the email within my profile. I will send you an email with five questions. I get to pick the questions.You can then answer the questions on your blog. You should also post these rules along with an offer to interview anyone else who emails you wanting to be interviewed. Anyone who asks to be interviewed should be sent 5 questions to answer on their blog. It would be nice if the questions were individualized for each blogger. Well anyone can play, I send questions, you answer.

Thanks for the questions Amorous Rocker

TMI #170

2009-01-20T15:23:00.002-05:00

1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?
No; it was never a concern for me. I do have to agree with what some others have said, its not like I'm going to pickup some gal working the streets, but I do not think about how much she makes.

2. What is your type?

I've dated and hooked up with women on each ends of the spectrum. I do not look for a certain body style (cause I find so many different things sexy about a woman). If I can connect with her verbally and feel an attraction then it works for me. I can say I do not want to hook up with a moron because I like to talk and would never want someone that only knows how to grunt and moan; cause I need more than that.

3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?

I've tried several like strip poker, spin the bottle, truth or date, role play, and of course board games with sexual overtones. My favorite is role play in the bedroom because that is always fun. I'm not a "Dom/sub" type person, but I do like playing at it from time to time. And yes I can go both ways. Being in control over someone else is a turn on, just as having a strong woman taking control of you can be as well. I like being versatile :-)

4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?

No. There is atleast one I don't remember her last name now, but I did know it at the time. I've only had one of the one night stand variety and that is only because things didn't work out where we could hook up again.

5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?

Yes! It can be alot of fun.

Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?

I'm not sure there is such a thing. I have read the reports that talk about that. I personally do not think I have slowed down one bit since my teens and 20s, hell I think I want it now more than I did then. I really think it has to do with individuals and the stresses we put on ourselves.

Happy TMI all.

Snow....We Have Snow!!!

2009-01-20T10:32:00.006-05:00

Ok, I know many of you have snow every year for months on end, and you really really hate it. But down here in the southern US, we do not get much of this. In my entire life time, we have had more than 3 inches only twice. Once when I was age 2 back in 1977, and then again 6 months after I was married (Jan 2000) we got 22 inches. Let me tell you this, it was WAY WAY too early to be "trapped" in an apartment for 2 weeks with no where to go that early in marriage. And it was during the dial-up and early days of DSL, so highspeed access was difficult. My wife got a new computer that week because I got so fed up with having to do tech support on existing one.

*UPDATE: We have now gotten between 6-8" depending on where you are in the area, almost unbelievable. I got to shovel snow today along with a snowball fight with the family.*

So, here we are Jan 2009 and we have between 2-4 inches outside depending on the area. So I decided to post a few pictures I have taken. (And all those pictures took outside were done with me in shorts, tshirt and crocs *grins* I really do hate pants)

So without further ado...some pictures:

The kids playset on the lower terrace.

The Jeep. (ain't she pretty)

The outdoor lights (look like ice cream cones)

The front yard and street.

The stairs going down to the lower terrace.

The table on the deck we use for collecting snow for making snow cream. We even cleaned it last night to make sure it was ready for proper snow collection.

Interview by Holly

2009-01-19T08:00:00.001-05:00

1. what is the hardest thing for you to deal with about having an open relationship?

I'd say the hardest part is the same as any relationship. If you fail to communicate, express your feelings, or do anything that could be perceived as deceitful then it starts to break things down. But if you love is strongest enough, then all the challenges can be overcome through open honest communication. If I had to choose one thing that makes being open more difficult it is "jealousy". Not in the sense that your partner is with someone else, its more of the they have someone else right now and I do not. That will lead to jealousy and frustration which may cause you to put more pressure on yourself and your partner that you would normally.

2. Do you honestly think that you can keep that aspect of your life/relationships a secret from your kids as they get older? And if they “found out” what would you tell them?

Our goal is not to keep our relationships a secret. We openly spend time with our "friends" even while the kids are there. We have not tried to explain the relationships other than to say these are our friends and we spend a lot of time together. We do not do anything with others that we would not do with each other in front of the kids.

I do believe there will come a time when we explain that we love more than person, and because we did not try to keep them secrets from our kids. Then our kids are loved by more than just my wife and I. You can't always control who you love and why should you. If I can show my kids a loving, open, and honest relationships where everyone communicates then I think that is a great example to show my kids. But at the end of the day, its all about love, nothing more, nothing less.

3. What made you and Belle decide to have an open marriage? What was the deciding factor?

There was a trip Belle went on to see her parents and took a train vs. driving. During the trip a gentleman she was talking with kissed her. As she relayed this story to me, she judged my response as not one of anger but of intrigue. I was not jealous but turned on by hearing the stories. So over the next several weeks (may even have been a couple months) we talked about it, and what it would mean to us and how it would impact our lives. We both agreed that while we loved each other, we had cravings/urges for something more. So instead of keeping those inside because "good marriages" do not include relationships outside of marriage; we decided to explore them.

The ultimate deciding factor was, we both wanted it. We both had needs that we could not always fulfill for each other, so why not seek to meet those needs elsewhere. And the more we talked, the more we learned about each other and ourselves. We have never been closer and as such I believe our marriage is stronger today than it was almost 3yrs ago when all of this got started.

4. If you could have any job in the world what would it be?

Traveler, Geek, Blogger....I love tech toys, travelling, and reading (to some degree writing even though I'm not a great writer), so if I could get paid to travel around and write things about what I learn then I think that could be great, especially if it was sex related :-)

5. Do you have any hidden artistic talent that we don’t know about?

Sadly enough, I have no known or hidden artistic talents. My wife has all of that in spades. I lack genuine creativity and the ability to envision things in my head when it comes to anything artistic in nature. I am way to logical to make my brain work that way.

Here are the rules if you want to participate in 5 Questions.

Comment in the posts with "Interview Me". If your profile does not include an email address then send it to the email within my profile. I will send you an email with five questions. I get to pick the questions.You can then answer the questions on your blog. You should also post these rules along with an offer to interview anyone else who emails you wanting to be interviewed. Anyone who asks to be interviewed should be sent 5 questions to answer on their blog. It would be nice if the questions were individualized for each blogger.Well anyone can play, I send questions, you answer.

Here is a list of others being Interviewed by Holly today:

Sage

lalana

Freak at Heart

Wednesday Weirdness #38

2009-01-14T13:54:00.002-05:00

Wednesday Weirdness #38: Hypothetical!Questions
by: Bella Dreamer with help from Amorous Rocker & Carrying Me Away

Click here to join the fun!
These questions are all hypothetical scenarios. Read along and have fun! ANSWER HONESTLY!

1- Times are hard and you get laid off. You turn to the adult entertainment industry and decide to get into sexing it up on camera. You're now a porn star. Even though you now do porn for a living, you still hold on to a little morale, ethics and dignity. What are 3 things, sexually, that you rule out as absolutely not happenings no matter the amount of money?

No feces; Nothing dangerous (ala needles, breath, etc); No Beastiality

2- Pretend you spent a busy day running errands and come home in the afternoon when no one else is home. You come in, sit things down and head to the kitchen. You find a dead body laying in the kitchen floor. What would you do?

Assuming my family was not home, I'd leave the house, get in the car and call the police. If family is home, then I'd call the police while searching for my family, then leave the house.

3- After some extensive testing, scientists found out you have a special supernatural skill that could be put to use to save 20,000 men and women all over the world. The only catch is after you use it, you will die. If you don't use it, 30,000 people will die but you'll still be alive and won't suffer any illness or strange side effects of your special supernatural skill. Are you willing to sacrifice your life for 20,000 people?

I'd like to say I'd sacrifice myself for the good of others. I'd just have to hope those that perish were the deserving kind (murders, rapists) or those suffering from terminal disease that had left them in an overwhelming amount of pain thereby allowing them some peace. But if even one of those people that would perish was the one true love of my life, I'd sacrifice w/o even thinking.

4- You are at a concert. A fight breaks out and the person in front of you gets hit by the person beside you. They turn around and think it's you and no amount of reasoning will convince them otherwise. They are taller by several inches and outweigh you by around 50 pounds. You are about to get punched and possibly manhandled. How do you get out of it and avoid injury?

If I had done anything possible to avoid a fight, then at that point its time to start battling. And war is not fair and when at such a large disadvantage, take no prisoners.

5- You're having a dinner party with your close friends. One close friend asks if it is fine if they bring a date along. You ask your friend if their date is someone they trust to act well mannered and respectful to others. Your friend sings the praises of their date and you agree to let them bring their date to the dinner party. Once there, their date turns out to be crude, obnoxious, disrespectful and all around a real vile ass to be around. Do you tough it out and later apologize to your other guests? Pull your friend aside and tell them to reign in their date? Confront the friends date about their vile behavior?

Talk to my friend privately to see if they can handle it, if not, then talk to the friend directly. Where I provide them the option of getting their act together or being asked to leave. Otherwise I'd have to lay the smackdown on their ass and send them packing.

6- You go to the grocery store and bump carts with a woman. She gets angry and chants at you in gibberish. She smiles, informing you that she has cursed you to never have sex again unless you pay for it. You roll your eyes and walk off. 2 years later and you haven't had any sexual contact with another person since that day. Do you start paying for sex or just never have sexual contact with another person again?

Wow that is really wild. First what would have happened to my wife, I mean there have been "lulls" but something that bad has never happened. But no, I'm not going to pay someone else for sex.

7- Your really good friend is going to their grandmother's house for dinner and invites you along. You make sure it is fine with their grandmother and she says to come along if you like, she has made more than enough food to feed you too. You go. While there, you accidentally break something extremely valuable to your friends grandmother. Do you hide it and pretend nothing every happened or come clean?

I'd fess up and just do what I could to repay them if possible.

Roll Call

2009-01-13T11:03:00.002-05:00

Before the holidays I was reading about 8-10 blogs each day. Sadie, ASM, Hubman, Holly, M, Angie and Mike, Ms. I, Amorous, SwingerWife, and Suburban Hotwife. Although I read them ever day, I found that I didn't comment as frequently. So I've found myself in the "lurker" category even on the blogs I do read daily.

During the holidays I had a LOT of free time so I started adding even more since the posts were alot less frequent. I finally had to start using Google Reader to keep up with them so I can see who has posted and who has not. Now I'm up to around 50 that I'm trying to read (as I commented on Sadie's recent post, I sure wish there was a job that paid me to read these *grins*) and I find myself getting behind frequently or on some occasions challenged to want to read.

Why do I read blogs? There is definitely some entertainment aspects to reading blogs, but the core reason for me, new perspectives. I truly believe that you can learn from others without having to directly experience everything. If you knew me well, you would know that I really hate to read. The own three types of reading materials; Technical books for work, Poker Strategy books (my other hobby), and Playboy. Picking up a book makes me start to fall asleep, yet I've always been able to sit and read my computer monitor for 10-15hrs a day (ever since college) without even giving it a second thought. The more I think about it, I believe it is because I try to put myself in the characters/writers head while reading. In a traditional novel that means hundreds of pages and as my mind starts wondering through all of that I drift off to fantasy land. So I never really get very far into a book, plus many books takes about 60-100 pages to develop the storyline which I'm just not patient enough for.

So what does this have to do with anything you may be asking yourself? When I read blogs I try to put myself in your shoes to see what you are seeing, feel what you are feeling, and living out those experiences. And in some cases I even put myself in the other people's shoes in the post. This works great on the Open Marriage, Poly, BDSM, HotWife, and Swinger blogs because they follow many of my own natural leanings. The blogs that pertain to folks life (their successes and their challenges), those can be very cool.

The last "group" of blogs I read seem to all relate some form of infidelity. Some aspects intrigue me, like the woman wanting sex/intimacy more the man. Also many of the adventures they go on really result into extremely hot and steamy escapades. When "they" discuss the spouse is when being in either person's shoes is a real challenge for me. As much as I've read on several of these blogs, the guys have little to no interest in their wives who happen to have normal to high sex drives, so the ladies did what they needed to do. But once I start putting myself in the shoes of the husbands, all the worst thoughts in the world go into my head. They are really my own fears and insecurities coming to life within my own head. There was a time a few years back where I actually turned down sex or the overtures from my own wife. It had nothing to do with my sex drive (I'm always on and ready to go), but I was in a very passive aggressive mode where I felt I was being wronged in other ways so I shut her out. (I was the "Stupid Boy" and I still pay for that these days) But while reading these blogs I go through the swings of sexy to feelings of loss and betrayal, all the way to being unwanted or desired myself. So there are days when I do not read certain blogs because I can't mentally or even emotionally handle reading them.

I must offer kudos to each and every blogger out there. I enjoy reading (and commenting more I hope) your blogs and trying to view your perspectives on life. That is where I learn so much about you as well as myself. There are several times I see these new perspectives and begin to use them in how i think about my own life and how I go about dealing with challenges in my life.

Thank you each and every one! I'm looking forward to 09 and the growth that comes along with it. Happy Blogging!

"Layers"

2009-01-07T16:46:00.002-05:00

Nervous, Tentative, All of it New
Our pasts, our interests, and family stories shared
Slow, steady, safely we move, one layer at a time
Anxious, Enthralled, Uncertain
Texting, Flirting, Giggling
Another layer we've seen
Screaming, Shaking, Flailing about
Up, Down, Twists and Turns
One more layer descended through
Laughing, Touching, Snuggling together
Lights down low, soft music filling the room, oil covering us both
One more layer slipped by
Anxious, Confused, Longing
Holidays together, Sailing afar, Past Remembered with a Future to embrace
One more layer cherished
Layers abundant, plentiful, multiplying anew
Journey, Voyage, ready to explore?

I wrote this for GF yesterday and felt the need to put it here for me.

RIP J&S

2009-01-07T16:27:00.002-05:00

Its been 15 years since it all started. They were two college kids frolicking in door rooms and who knows where else. I was "Pizza boy", their friend, and they were in love. They were inseparable. Soon enough they were pregnant, married, and moving back home. They had jobs, and a beautiful little girl that is now a teenager. We would always spend time and time again getting together to share holidays or just a free weekend together. A few years later, they gave me a god son, even before I had my first child. Belle and I loved them so much and thought they were that couple that really had things together. We even went so far as to ask them to take our kids in the event something happened to us both. Belle has no siblings and her family as a whole is much older than mine. My siblings can't even take care of themselves, much less kids. My own parents have already raised 5 kids and now have 2 (3 if you count the latest new born) grandkids to help raise since my siblings have many challenges of their own.

But now it is all over, the love is shattered and brushed away. It seems while some of us thought they were the perfect couple, and the perfect parents, they were just like all the rest of us; struggling to make things work. She has been miserable for about 6 years, and hating him for the last 3 years. After her affair 3 years ago, he became miserable too. There was sneaking around, deceit, and hurtful things said. She begged for forgiveness many times but each time she went back to the other guy. They tried counseling, but it never resolved anything.

Listening to my dear friend share the most painful news of his life, I felt impotent, unable to do anything or say anything to "fix" things. I'm a logical person, I know I can't fix other people's relationships but this is not just any relationship. This is that one that you thought was started in the heavens and meant to last for eternity. I want to run to them both, and scream you have to make this work. Demand them to trying something else, but that is just me being selfish.

My friends they forever will be, and those kids will always be one of "mine". I love them both so very much and I hope the wounds heal fast and they both find peace and happiness because everyone deserves that much. I mourn the loss and miss them so very much.

RIP J&S; you will be missed.

Declined

2009-01-06T15:29:00.002-05:00

I have to vent for a moment. Over the course of the past 3 weeks now, I've had something happen to me that just never happens. Maybe once or twice back in college when my parents were still a major source of my income. I've had two different cards declined. Sure, no money, no goods and services. WRONG! That would be too freaking simple. The first one happened at the end of my week long cruise to the Bahamas. I have one credit card I use, and when I travel I pretty much use it exclusively (do not like to use my bank card on trips out of my local area). I had been making purchases in just about every state I went through and out of the country in the Bahamas etc. So imagine that on my last stop before I got home, my card was declined for a purchase of like $30. I was no where close to my limit, but because of purchases covering so many different areas in such a short period of time and including all types of places, they put a temporary hold on my card as they thought it could be fraud. The resolution was rather easy, just call in, listen to the purchases and agree they were all mine, problem solved. It freaking sucks especially the part where the guy at the register goes this card has been declined. So that was like 3 weeks ago now, and I thought ok no big deal its just a process the credit card company has in place.

Today, my wife goes to a doctor's appointment and starts to pay the co-pay using the FSA card. (the special little card where I take part of my pre-tax paycheck and set it aside for medical expenses, pretty nifty concept) What happens, the damn thing is declined. Hello, its January, the start of the new year where the amount available resets. How the holy hell does that happen? Plus I still had like $20 left over from year that I can still use until March. So after getting a txt from Belle that it was declined, I picked up the phone and started calling. The lady I spoke with was super nice and down right sweet (Nora you sounded so delish), as she researched the issue. It seems their system did an audit of accounts recently. It seems there was a purchase made June 2006 at a local drug store for $3 and change that was not a "qualified" purchase. So now, January 2009 they chose to flag my account and disable my card. So Nora was almost in awe herself at how such a small amount from sooooooooo long ago was now causing these issues. To make things worse, they never sent me a letter telling me about this, they just simply shut off my card. So now I must submit them a check for $3 and change so they are able to clear up my account. And what made Nora all the more delightful, after she had hung up with me, she had done some more looking and found that another one of their systems (the primary one) still showed my account as active meaning the charge should not have been declined.

So after nearly 15 years having never heard the words, "Your card is declined", it has been spoken not once but twice in the past 3 weeks. Lets hope this is not a sign of things to come!

*steps off his soapbox* I now return you to your previous show already in progress.

TMI #168

2009-01-06T14:44:00.002-05:00

1. Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you dislike/don't get along with?

There are so few people in the world I do not like or get along with that I'd take be stranded with someone I "do not like". Cause I believe if I spent enough time with the person I could come to like them or find a mutual agreeable way to get along or atleast respect each other enough to make things work out.

2. Would you rather accidentally walk in on your parents having sex or have them walk in on you?

I'm a voyeur in just about every sense of the word, but there is NO WAY I want to see my parents having sex, so I'll go with them walking on in me. I might have a few questions to answer as to what position I'm in or who it is I'm with and why, but it sure as hell beats the alternative.

3. Would you rather be snapped by paparazzi during a nipple slip or while exiting a car with out any underwear?(guys, consider similar circumstances)

I'm not really sure this question really works for guys at all. Because there is probably no part of our body that it would be a major issue. Most guys are pretty much willing to just whip it out at any moment in time. I'd rather avoid giving a speech to a large audience of people with my fly down, but whatever.

4. Would you rather not have sex for two years or not be able to use the Internet for two years?

I think this is a no-brainer unless you are one of those folks that truly dislikes sex (I will NEVER understand that, but hey everyone has a right to their feelings and beliefs), but I'll go back to the stone-ages or where ever as long as I'm still getting sex.

5. Would you rather find true love or 1 million dollars?

I've got my true love and thus bring on my million. I'm seeing alot of travel in my future then :-)

Bonus (as in optional): If you had to choose *one* sexual position for the rest of your life, what would it be? Why?

Missionary (while I do love me some doggie-style), I just have to be able to look into the eye's of my lover.

New Years Celebration

2009-01-05T12:08:00.003-05:00

We all spent the New Years together. Bro, GF and the kids got to our house around mid-afternoon on New Years Eve. We got a late lunch to start the day out, and then GF came back to the house to take a nap. She wasn't able to sleep her last night at MIL's house. After nap time, we got together and exchanged gifts with each other. Then Belle and Bro took off to pick up some items for dinner, the celebration, etc. I kept wrestling and rough housing with the kids. I watched a little football to pass the time as well. We had a late dinner, and the kids stayed up until about 10:30 when they were completely exhausted as they had been running full steam since that afternoon. After the kids were tucked into the bed, we started watching some TV and just generally hanging out together. The girls were having some drinks. We got so into the movie that we almost missed the stroke of midnight. We changed over to see the ball drop at midnight and I got a wonderful kiss from my gal. I got a hug from GF and Bro and we drank some sparkling wine to celebrate the New Year. After the movie, GF went to bed and Bro came to hang out in our room with us. Did I mention that Belle was tipsy and very giggly? Well after some goofing out and fooling around, things got a bit more heated and we ended up on the for in a most delightfully naughty display of debauchery. My dear sweet completely devoured me and as always with me, left me wanting more. *grins* She is so amazing like that.

The next day we went to do some shopping together, but it did seem more like we went as separate families as they went one direction and we went another in the same store usually. After the first stop, Belle and I acquired one of Bro's kids. By the second stop, we had all 4 kids with us. Since it was getting to be late afternoon, we took the kids over to McD to play and eat some lunch. After lunch we headed to DQ to grab some ice cream. For some reason, most of the kids decided to completely meltdown. Then interesting enough, after DQ, GF decided to ride with me and the kids back to the house. We hung out around the house and after getting the kids fed, bathed, and to bed, the adults started making fondue for dinner. I cooked the shrimp and chicken, while the rest worked on the cheese fondue. It was a great time just preparing the meal and it turned out quite amazing. We stayed up late watching TV again before heading off to bed and sleep.

On Friday, we hung out around the house, except for a couple of quick trips to the store to pick up items for the next couple meals. Bro did some fake snow on the back deck with the kids, Belle took the kids (girls) to the studio for arts and crafts time. They each painted a pot. GF and I watched TV downstairs, my son played on his DS, and Bro took a nap on the bed in the studio. We did a chocolate fondue with the kids afterwards (we were all too full to do it the night before like we had planned). After the kids started getting tired, we fed the kids and put them to bed. The adults had a most fabulous beef stew that Belle cooked, and for dessert I cooked my infamous bananas fosters. We watched TV for a bit and then massages were offered to the girls. GF was not really up for one that night (I was a bit worried at first), but Belle took the offer from Bro. Before they headed up stairs, GF brought up the movie she had told me about before. (Homeward Bound) So after Bro retrieved it from their vehicle, I put the movie in and sat on the couch. Bro and Belle headed upstairs for the massage. After GF got something to drink, she came back to the family room. Up to this point of the trip, she had spent the entire time sitting in my recliner so I was expecting she would do the same. She surprised me by grabbing the blanket from the chair and coming over to snuggle up with me on the couch. The movie was everything she said it was and more. But most importantly, I got snuggles on the couch. It was the cool snuggles where she not only leaned against me, but laid on me, and kept getting closer. There was even a little touching of my thigh in the process of it. It was nice to just get to run my hands over her (think NON-SEXUAL areas), and to play with her hair. I've read enough to know that I do remember you should always focus on the non-sexual areas if you want to create any sparks. I had a good time but the movie was over way too soon. It was about 12:45 when I walked her to her room. I went in to see how the massage was going afterwards. Belle wanted a double massage where she got 4 hands instead of 2. So Bro and I spent another half hour or so massaging her more. Belle seemed like she might be expiring on us as she climbed into the bed, but after we snuggled up with her deliciously naked body she seemed to warm up and wake up a bit. Again we ended up in the middle of the floor together, but this time Bro and I both took turns making her purr and moan. It is always a delightful sight to see the pleasure washing over her face. We both snuggled her off to sleep, and Bro left to join GF in bed.

The kids were quite wild the next day and you could tell Bro's crew had been away from home for way too long. After breakfast, they packed up and we said our goodbyes again.

Again I was left to keep thinking. We spent the first couple of days with little direct engagement, and then on the last night there was snuggles. I keep coming up with theories to figure out what GF is thinking since so far there has been very little direct talks on us. I do know she has struggled seeing Bro and Belle together and them showing affection to each other. So my theory is that, she is not wanting to show any affection towards me when they are around. Since they were upstairs and the kids were in bed, she wanted to snuggle. We have another trip where GF and I will be getting away together in late January. I'm hoping to see some progress, atleast to the point that maybe there is some open and honest discussions of how she feels. (If you can't tell from this blog, I'm very verbose and willing to talk about just anything especially in a private setting) I'm usually pretty good a reading people, but its very hard to read someone on body language w/o verbal communication. And I love to talk :-) Since there is nothing else planned for after our trip for atleast a few months, I need to get some feeling of where we are going. Otherwise we could be at a year in this "relationship" and I'm still in the dreaded no-mans land with no idea of where I'm at or where I'm going. I'm a very patient person but at some point I have to be able to see the where things are going and that she is willing to travel that path with me, or I'll need to start my search for a new partner to travel with. I do not want to make it seem as if I don't care or I'm not willing to put my fair share into all of this, but at the same time I need to feel like she really wants this, and wants a relationship to really form. Otherwise we would be better off being just friends, and me looking elsewhere.

Anyone out there have any thoughts? I have to be honest, I've only been in a relationship once before where my partner was timid and relatively inexperienced. But even that relationship got to 2nd/3rd base within less than 6 months. So how reasonable am I being or do I really need to be more patient and stay focused on helping her get to that point of being comfortable even it will take a year or more? Before any thoughts come in along these lines, I do not lie and I do not cheat, even on someone outside my primary relationship. So any comments along the lines of look elsewhere in the short term until she comes along is not going to fly.

The Cruise

2009-01-05T10:34:00.003-05:00

** This is from my perspective only **

Its been a few weeks now but I figured I should put some thoughts down about the cruise we all went on together. Bro and GF showed up the Saturday before the cruise which also happened to be Belle's birthday. We all got dressed up nice and went out to a Brazilian Steakhouse for dinner. We followed that up with a trip to get some frozen custard for dessert. Soon enough we were back home, where Belle and I finished packing for the cruise. We all just hung out in our bedroom packing, watching TV, and chatting some.

We got up early the next morning, loaded the van and took off for Florida. I took the first shift driving to keep things simple. After a couple hours we stopped for the first of many potty breaks. This is when Bro decided he wanted to drive, and GF wanted me to watch movies with her in the back. So we are cruising down I95 with GF and I singing along to Grease 2. We had wireless headsets on so I'm not really sure how good or bad we sounded. About half way through the second movie, we stopped and I volunteered to take over driving. But Bro was enjoying himself, so I hung out in the back with GF a while longer. There was some hand holding, along with the arm and leg stroking but that is about as steamy as it got. Bro ended up driving the rest of the way to Florida while I sat in the back watching movies (even though I tried to take over on several occasions). Once we arrived, we checked into the hotel, unloaded the bags, and then went out for some dinner. The food was pretty good even though things felt rushed since the place was closing early for a private party. After getting back to the hotel, GF and I watched a movie on TV while Bro and Belle went out to pick up some things at a local store. We sat on separate beds. After a while GF and I went to sleep while Bro and Belle sat up playing on their DS games.

The next morning I got the bathroom revolving door started. Once I got up to go, everyone else followed suit within about 30 minutes. Soon enough we were up, taking showers and repacking. We headed downstairs for the breakfast buffet. Since we still had a while before the transport was going to take us over to the boat, I decided to go get some Starbucks. Belle and I went shopping together and grabbed the Starbucks. I'm pretty sure by this point things are starting to seem a bit 'off' but wasn't able to put my finger on it. A while later we were on our way over to get on the boat. We got through security and check-ins very quickly, and soon were waiting just outside to get on. After a delay of like 30 minutes we were finally on the boat, and the girls had their first boat drink. We took a few photos once inside and on the deck. We checked out the rooms and the boat for a while, had some lunch, and generally hung out. After the first nice dinner that night, we went to the show. By this time we were out at sea and the waters were a bit rough that resulted in GF not feeling very good at all. She went back to her room to lie down for a while. At some point earlier I had managed to upset Belle (way to go, first day on the boat and already getting things off on the wrong foot). So after a brief discussion to sort things out a bit, Belle and Bro went for a walk on the deck. I decided to check on GF. I hung out with GF watching TV and trying to help her feel better. The most contact was the hug goodnight once she started feeling better. Belle and I talked some more and finally ironed out the issues.

The next day we were doing our first excursion to the private island the cruise company leased. Belle and I slept in a bit (as is our usual custom when on trips) We got a wake up call from our neighbors that they were heading to breakfast. We got up, showered, and packed for the day. Belle and I assumed we'd only be on the island/beach for a few hours (read maybe 3 hrs). We got over to the island around 10:45am that morning and found a spot with a picnic table, and a couple of hammocks and chairs. GF and I went walking in the water, and we took turn taking pictures of each of us together. GF and Bro took the hammocks, Belle started sketching the view, and I sat in one of the chairs just sitting idle. I was really hungry by this point as I had skipped breakfast and was ready for the food to be served. While sitting there it seemed the only sun coming in was aimed straight at my face. Bro and I went to grab the girls some drinks. While walking around a very very large lizard managed to scurry across my path. I nearly shat myself. Thanks for laughing "with" me Bro. We did find the drink place and we used the buy 1 get 1 free coupon and got them LOADED. While the girls finished off the drinks, I went to grab some food. After everyone finished eating, we went for a walk around the island. By this time both the gals were really feeling the effects of their second drink *grins* We did some shopping at the shops on the island for a while before heading back to the boat. We did end up spending closer to 5 hours on the island. Once back on the boat, we went to change into something more comfortable. Belle was a bit frisky so I decided to take advantage. But about the time things got going, Bro came knocking on the door. Well one thing led to another and it resulted in a threesome *evil grin* There are times when I REALLY REALLY love Belle drinking. Soon enough we got showered and cleaned up, and then dressed up in formal dresses and tuxes. We got pictures taken that evening and attended the Captain's dinner. We went to the show afterwards and spent the time hanging out. This is when things really started getting more "off". Belle and I were planning to spend some time together but also switch some to spend time with our other partners. GF went to bed rather early that evening, and it left the other walking around the ship for a while, watching some different activities etc. By this time it had gotten where GF wanted to spend all of her time with Bro. All attempts at this point to "switch" had been shot down.

The next day we went shopping in Nassau and bought some jewelery for the girls. We went to all the places to get freebies, and attended all the drawings for free jewelery. This took several hours and the general feeling of things seemed tense to me most of the day. We tried to find some lunch which took a while and ended with a very lackluster meal. BLAH! We did make it to the pirate museum which was very cool. The longer the group was together, the more GF gravitated to Bro. It did seem a bit odd to me, but didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Belle seemed a bit annoyed by this, plus the fact we ended up spending way too much time shopping vs. doing some of the other things we had discussed previously. We did manage to get a lot of xmas shopping done while there, so that was a good thing. We got back on the boat around later afternoon, and got ready for dinner. After dinner we went to the show, and walked on the boat some. We were going to try and stay up for the midnight comedy show. GF went to bed around 10ish with the idea she might get back up for the show (I knew that would never happen). The rest of us tried to keep going but soon enough we were laying on our bed talking, and soon enough we were drifting off to sleep. Bro did go back to his room before we finally called it a night. All of this after having spent over an hour finding something we wanted to eat, with no success.

The next day was probably the worst day. Belle and I tried sleeping in again since we had a day at sea. We got off on the wrong foot again due to another miscommunication. We joined GF and Bro for a late breakfast. From that point forward, its like we cris-crossed the rest of the day. Belle and I went shopping some, and tried to hang out together since we had spent so much time doing other things. Every time we met up with Bro and GF for most of the day, things always seemed very tense and uneasy. The longer this went on the more frustrated I got. And it seemed like no one was talking. I eventually went back to the room to take a nap alone. When I woke up, there had been some discussions and things seemed a bit better. We went to dinner and it was very nice. Belle and I had managed to squeeze in a little love making in there which was really nice. After dinner, GF wanted to go back to the casino on the boat, with the idea that we would meet Bro and Belle later for the show. I went along with GF figuring I might play some. Well GF got on a roll so I kept hanging out with her, soon enough we had managed to miss the the show. After it got late, we went to find Bro and Belle. We hung out for a while together, and then GF went to bed. Since I knew Belle wanted some time with Bro and I was tired of the walking the boat thing, I decided to go hit the blackjack table for a while. This was around 11:30, and well around 2:30am they found me still sitting at the table still playing. I eventually gave away what little I had been playing with, and we went to bed.

The next day we left the boat, and by this time GF was really anxious because she was really dreading the trip in the car back. She doesn't like long drives. To keep me rested, Bro drove most of the way to Belle's parents house. I sat in the back watching movies with GF, but she was very distant. I'm chalking it up the drive and being away from home for so long. She essentially rebuffed my couple of attempts to hold hands, etc. I finished the last hour of the drive to Belle's parents house. It was great to see the kids again as it had already been over a week. My kids were a bit snuggly once we were there.

Sunday we left by 5am to arrive back at my house by early afternoon. GF chose to stay in the back with Bro for the entire trip. I made really good time considering the number of stops. After getting home, we said our goodbyes.

A few additional thoughts; expectation setting, expectation setting, expectation setting. If we had spent some time doing that, then maybe it would have reduced the frustration on everyone's part. The cruise itself was fun and I believe we had a good time, but the group and individual interactions made things frustrating for all. So we will not be doing any more trips like this again for a while. It did lead me to think alot about what is happening between GF and myself, and where things are at and where they are going. We have been in this current phase since this past June. I think I described this as a "middle-school" relationship. I know I want more and I know I need more. She has said from the beginning that she needed to move slow and I've been doing my best to go along with that. Suggesting things slowly and not pressing her for more. But after almost 7 months, it does make me wonder a bit.

Year in Review 2008

2008-12-30T18:48:00.003-05:00

I've never really been a fan of New Years Resolutions, but I have always been one to reflect on my life periodically and take stock of where I'm at and where I want to be. This has been without a doubt more of the most challenging years of my life. So let me start back at the beginning.

January

Belle had her first weekend away as part of our open marriage. I had given this to her as a Christmas present. Up until this point, there had never been anything more than some late nights out.
I had my first voyage into the benefits of an open marriage. It took about a year before I took advantage. It started out well, but ended very quickly due to excessive drama.

February

Belle and the kids were sick almost the entire month of with sinus and ear infections. Belle actually blew out an ear drum in the process.
I became increasingly threatened by the intensity of Bro and Belle's relationship. Up until this point, all relationships were basically physical (we do care about the people we are with, just not to these depths). I did not do well at all seeing my wife fall more and more for someone else.

March

On my birthday, my whole world was rocked to the very core. I confronted Belle about her feelings for Bro which set off a very long barrage of realizations. It was my awakening. I had pretty much been living in my own world that included blinders to the rest of the world around me. I had been putting Belle through hell for so long and getting angry so long at her for it. I vowed to her on this day if we were to survive this, I would prove to her I could change and be a better person.
The day after my birthday, Belle went into the hospital for a scheduled surgery. She was going to be under at least 4 hours. The kids were already with her parents, so I was staying at the hospital with her. Sitting in this hospital waiting room, I reached out to Bro. I poured out my heart about my feelings for her, towards him, and the current situation we were in. I agreed that I was going to do my best to share, because that is what Belle needed. Its not always easy to swallow your pride and realize you are not enough for your spouse, but she really needs someone else as well.
Bro came to visit us at our place while the kids were away to help take care of Belle. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. There was a lot of tension, mostly caused by me. Bro ended up leaving early from his stay to head back home. This is when we came to the realization that each of us spend way to much time keeping our thoughts and emotions bottled up inside, and that if we would talk about them we could avoid these situations going forward.

April

Bro had another trip to our area during this time for work and stayed with us instead of a hotel. The trip was considerably more successful than the first one, but still with a few uneasy moments as we kept working our way through.

May

I went to Las Vegas for another 4 days of poker, poker, poker, and even more poker. I usually spend 12-15 hours each day playing poker. Compared to some previous trips I actually had some really good days there, and only one really bad one which was enough to leave me down for the trip but smarter.
Belle had another trip away with Bro for a weekend. I struggled with her leaving this time.
We went on our first camping trip of the season.

June

We took a two week camping road trip out to Kansas to visit Belle's grandmother. We managed to have sex in every state that we camped in. We fought a lot as I continued to struggle with our relationship. The next realizations triggered during this trip as well. To be successful, we had to have complete transparency in everything. Because any appearances of sneaking around created the perception of something going on. I also realized while on this trip that my wife did love me very much and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. That is the point where I started getting comfortable with her other relationship.
GF came into the picture as she finally agreed that Bro could look elsewhere to meet his needs related to BDSM. So GF and I started conversing via txt messages, and I started getting picture messages of her.

July

Bro and his family met up with us while on another camping trip for 4th of July weekend. I was able to meet GF, and our kids were able to finally meet. I was able to start my seduction of GF by making bananas fosters (on a propane grill at a campsite) in the rain.
Being the month from hell is probably an understatement. Once we got back from the camping trip, I packed my bags and headed to the airport Monday morning to fly out of town for a week for work. I was in California while Belle was stuck on the east coast.
We celebrated our 9yr anniversary together during this window between trips.
As soon as I got back from my work trip, Belle started packing for her trip away with her girlfriends for a long weekend.
Within a couple of days of Belle getting back home, I was on another plane headed to Chicago for an architecture conference. I learned nothing at the conference. I started a bad habit as I found out the joys of Starbucks Fraps (the devil they are). And I watched as everything Belle and I built in June start to crumble (so it seemed). By this point we had only seen each other for about 5 days the entire month.

August

August was supposed to be a "slower" month. Just about every weekend was taken up with something (I don't really recall all that we did that month, too much of a blur).
Bro and Belle went away for another weekend. I got really drunk the night before she left. Ok so I had not done as well as I had hoped. But overall things had improved. I finally got my first "show" (its the voyeur in me).
We went to our first Renaissance Festival with Bro and family in complete pirate and wench attire. We had an amazing time even if the weather wasn't as nice as we had hoped for.
We stayed for the long weekend before Labor Day and I got more time with GF.

September

We spent a lot of time together finally. We celebrated our son's birthday.
I had planned for my initial trip away with GF, but it got postponed as I managed to get appendicitis and was out of action for a week. Bro came down to stay with us a few days while I was in the hospital, to help Belle with the kids and trips back and forth to the hospital.

October

I went away for the weekend with GF. Bro and his kids came to my house while GF and I were away riding roller coasters. GF received her first massage from me. We spend hours just talking and hanging out.
We went to our second Renaissance Festival with Bro and GF. And spent a long weekend at their house that included more massages for the ladies. I got my first kiss from GF (on the cheek).

November

Bro and Belle went away for their last weekend of the year. I didn't hose up the weekend, but I was a bit "moody" before she left. But we were able to work that out before she left THANKFULLY. I'm really hoping that by February that things have gotten easier.
Bro and GF came to our house for Thanksgiving, and then so did my in-laws. The long weekend went pretty well overall, but there was a lot of tension due to having to behave so much while the in-laws were there.

December

Bro, Belle, GF, and I went on a week long cruise to the Bahamas. The cruise itself was fun, but due to lack of expectation setting, things didn't go as smoothly on the couple side of things.
The Christmas part of the month went smooth from a travel perspective. We made it to both sides of the family this year without any major incidents. As you can read in an earlier posting, the gift exchange part continued to be a challenge and a stresser.
Belle created some of the most amazing pieces of artwork over the course of the month. I will have to post some pictures later (assuming she agrees to it).
We have spent the past week hanging out around the house, which has lead to some really cranky kids.
We will be ringing in the New Year with Bro and GF. The plan seems to include fondue and massages so far. I'm personally hoping to see some progression between GF and I. Otherwise our trip together in January could be really interesting.

Lessons Learned this year:

I had spent many years living in some far far away place all alone.
For the majority of us out there, finding a single person who can fulfill another persons needs and wants for an entire lifetime is nearly impossible, and it puts a lot of stress on that person to be that. So when I learned that my wife had needs that could only be met by someone else, I had to apply that new concept.
Open and honest sharing of thoughts and feelings was not a nice to have to a necessity for the lifestyle we had chosen. Therefore any bottling up or holding back your feelings will ultimately impact others, and lead to others being hurt, confused, and even jealous.
Transparency is required if you want to maintain a strong bond of trust within the group. Any and all attempts at secrecy/sneaking will result in the perception of deceit.
And the most important thing, I've fallen madly in love with my wife all over again. If I had learned nothing else, this would have been enough. Thankfully I have learned a lot more than that this year.

I'm looking forward to the coming year as I get another chance to grow and learn with my wife, my bro, and hopefully GF. I get another year to watch my kids continue to grow and develop.

Have a Happy New Year to one and all.

Lessons Learned from Christmas

2008-12-26T21:07:00.002-05:00

Christmas is without a doubt the most stressful time of the year for me. I'm not talking about crowds at the stores, parking, or the actual hours of shopping it takes to buy gifts. I absolutely dread getting gifts and giving gifts.

I'm not sure why, but getting gifts is so difficult for me. I always seem to lack the external expressions of happiness and joy that lets others know I'm really happy or pleased with the gift. I've tried to consciously to remember to smile, but then I feel like I'm "faking" it. I'm always very polite and thank everyone for the gifts they have given me, and make them as heart felt as I can, but alas it doesn't seem to work. So how do I combat all of this, well I've provided exact links to things I want so there is no doubt whatsoever. And I usually suggest gift cards as it keeps it really simple. Thus far, that hasn't always worked either.

I do love giving gifts to my friends and family, but for some reason it never seems like the "right" gift. I try to follow lists when they are provided or find things for them that matches what I know about them. But the looks and even sometimes comments made, make me feel as if I've done it wrong yet again.

I'd like to think I'm not completely hopeless in the area of gift giving or receiving. I do spend a considerable amount of time thinking about what gifts to give. Thankfully the kids are really easy, they want everything, and usually have a few different areas of high interest each year. But my wife on the other hand, I think I've screwed up EVERY Christmas we have been together. Our very first Christmas together, I gave her a new answering machine. Why would I do that, you might ask? Well for starters she had been having alot of troubles with the one she had, but most importantly I had spent literally every dime I had on her engagement ring. Since I didn't ask her to marry me until mid-January, she was quite surprised and put off by the present. After she said "yes", I explained the logic behind the answering machine. As justified as she is, I get ragged about that gift every year at least once. We have just completed our 10th Christmas together, and I'm pretty sure I'm 0 for 10 in presents so far. I know I have tried and tried to get better, but I just can't quite reach the point where I've just nailed it.
(**side note: Just in case anyone is thinking I blame or am upset with Belle, you are wrong. It rests squarely on me, cause she is without a doubt the sweetest and most loving person I know. I'm simply trying to brain dump this years Christmas in hopes of not reliving it again next year.)
I have actually tried following lists that she has given me, but manage to get the wrong items from the list or the wrong thing all together. For example, she wanted this necklace that had a hear-shaped pendent that you could still small stones or keepsakes in it to represent the kids and us. Some how I managed to bring home the stinking bracelet not the necklace. As a true amazon, most bracelets do not fit her wrist (good German heritage), so of course it did not fit. It was on the list, and she had even pointed it out in the store to me a few weeks before I actually bought it. To be so damn smart, I swear I can be the stupidest person alive.

So what am I going to do to avoid this next year. Well I'm not totally sure I have the answers but I'm going to list out a few ideas I've had thus far. If anyone else has any they would like to share, please feel free to let comment. I obviously could use all the help in the world.

During the year as we go shopping together (and we do this alot), take notes. My phone does have some great features like that with a keyboard. So I'm going to take notes of things she mentions that she likes or wants.
I'm going to try stock piling some gifts throughout the year so that when Christmas comes that I have some things that she really wants.
I'm going to review her Christmas list with her to see if there are any clues or subtle hints as to what she REALLY REALLY wants.
Remember that she does not want practical or useful things, but fun, exciting things that are unique and even a bit quirky.
Remember that she is a very passionate person with very unique interests and tastes.
Remember that presents should be WANTS and not NEEDS.
Remember that not all presents should come from her Christmas list, but from other things she has mentioned throughout the year, and based on who she is. (show her that I know her well enough to think outside the box as it were)
Separate gifts into categories: stocking stuffers; adult items, techie/geek items, artsy items, kid-like items, and big ticket items. (If anything is missing from any of these categories then I've probably failed to remember all the above ideas)
Think Joy, Passion, Love!

As for receiving gifts; wear a mask, hold up a sign, or plead with everyone to get me nothing??? Hell if I know. Thoughts anyone??? :-)

I hope everyone had a great and enjoyable Christmas!

Happy Birthday GrandDaddy!

2008-12-12T13:36:00.002-05:00

Today is your birthday, and its one that I'll never forget! I still think about you all the time especially when the kids and I are playing together, I remember back to all the time we spent together. You always had the best sense of humor and a kid like personality. You could sit on that front porch playing the banjo or harmonica for hours, and my son owns one of each and is dying to learn how to play. I really wish you were to teach him, cause he really loves music the same way you did. I still remember all those afternoon naps we'd take, the hunting trips, and the drives out to the store. You are one of the greatest men I have ever known, and I'm deeply sadden my kids will never be able to see it; only in the stories I tell them.

I'll always love you, and I miss you so very much!
RIP

Wine, Guitar Hero, and Sport Sheets

2008-12-11T11:18:00.003-05:00

Last night started off as a typical Wednesday evening for us. We were cooking a quick and easy dinner so I could leave in time to play poker. The menu for the night was spaghetti. While cooking the ground beef, Belle decided a little red wine would be a good addition. We didn't have anything open, so she picked what she thought was the lesser of the red wines from the collection we have. I opened the wine and Belle sampled some if it before adding it to the meat. Well, lets just say it turned out to be a VERY good bottle of wine. So I poured her a glass after she was done using what she needed to cook with. That glass went down way too easy and soon enough she was feeling pretty damn good. She looks at me while she was finishing up the pasta and comments about being a bit tipsy, which got my usual response of careful I might have to take advantage of you. Normally I get a half smile or a grin, but tonight I got grin with I'm up for that.

We got the kids settled at the table for dinner, and while we were eating she suggests getting out the Sport Sheets we bought a while back. This led me to ask if I she was asking me to stay home to play with her instead of going to poker. Since Bro usually gets Wednesday nights while I'm out playing poker, she called him to make sure it was cool with him. He liked the idea as long as he could participate. So now we have a plan in place for the evening.

After dinner, Belle and I started playing Guitar Hero to pass the time until the kids went to bed. We played Guitar Hero I, II, and III. We ended up beating Guitar Hero III on "easy" level last night. While playing, I got a text from Bro to see if we were available to call. To make a long story short, GF had taken a tumble a bit earlier and sprained/broken her ankle. She had significant swelling on her ankle and was in bed with ice packs. After consultation with her mom (who is a nurse) and once the swelling had gone down this morning, it seems to be a sprain only. I'm so thinking I get to play "nurse" next week on the cruise :-)

With the kids tucked away in bed, we adjourn to our room. I dig the Sport Sheets out of the closet and finally crack open the box. Its been almost a year since I bought them but I felt like a kid at Christmas getting to open up my new sheets. The sheets are designed to go over your existing sheets and includes a tightening system to make it fit any bed Queen through King snugly. Then it comes with restraints for each wrist and ankle, that has a velcro tie down. For those hard core bondage type, it can work well for you as well. For us low key type, like myself, it provides the ability to restrain yet the ability to get free on their own if need be. These are very multi-purpose, that they can go from novice to experts. I get the sheets installed, and velcro Belle to the bed. She being the feisty one, starts tugging at the restraints and pulls the sheet off the bed. (I really should have watched the DVD that came with the sheets) I had forgotten to use the pull ties etc. to secure the sheets to the bed. After that was completed, she was no longer able just pull away from the bed.

At this point we have Bro on cam and on speaker phone in the room. I grab some toys from our toy box and head back to start the fun. When Belle has been drinking she gets very snarky, so she made a few comments to Bro that resulted in him declaring she would not be allowed to cum for a while. We have a couple large dildos that we like to play with. The one selected tonight is about 10" long and 2" thick. So Belle helps me get it good and wet by showing off her oral skills for Bro and I. Then I slide about 3/4ths of it deep inside of her. Gives her that filled up feeling that she really loves. Then I use her bullet to start teasing her clit. I start it out on low and then speed it up slowly, then going back to low. On and off, low to high, and then left on high for a bit as she squirms. Bro is talking in her ear as the phone is laying next to her head. I'm sucking and nibble her nipples to full erection. It didn't take long before she was ready to explode and begging Bro to let her cum. Of course it wasn't going to be that easy, so I kept on teasing for a bit. Finally Bro decided she could cum. I start working the bullet with more consistent speed and contact.

*This is the part where I have to admit my own weaknesses, so I'll do my best*

The amount of contact I used the bullet didn't seem to be pushing her over the edge, so I moved it which resulted in direct contact on the clit. Not getting to play with the toys very often (very rarely, like count on one hand the number of times within 10yrs together), I caused it to go and hide. Belle was getting quite frustrated at this point and released her hands from the restraints. After a moment she collected herself and position the bullet where she wanted it. I kept trying a few more times, but each time I was off just a bit one direction or another. (Need to practice more often) Finally she starts using the bullet herself and I move to fucking her with the large dildo. This combination is enough to push her over the edge and she is able to break down the dam. (In my own defense, I'm more of a hands and mouth guy, and usually do that instead of using toys. *smiles*)

Things get really interesting after this. Belle wants to be fucked, so I head off to find the new Mine (hers) and Yours (his) personal lubricants from KY. We have never tried these before and thought it seemed like a good time. I apply Mine to her I'm met with the response of that is fucking cold, and then it starts to burn. I get a wash cloth to try and clean her up some. Now it was my turn (gulp!), I wasn't so sure how much fun this was going to be. Hers was more minty, and mine turned out to be more cinnamon. There was no pain for me, but didn't really do anything for me personally. I applied a bit more to Belle (at her request) to see if the mix of the two together would provide the desired effect. The result, nada, nothing, absolutely a waste. During all of this, Belle was completely giggly and laughing her ass off. I'm all for laughing and having a good time, but it is a bit hard to keep a good hardon and laugh that much. I start fucking Belle to help with that part. Since she wouldn't stop laughing so much, I tried for a pull all the way out and back in to get her attention. Well lets just say I missed by a bit and the mint ended up on her ass *grins*. I did have her attention, but she wasn't too happy with the minty sensation at her ass.

Now with her attention, we start fucking and really found out rhythm. It was just one of those nights where the stars really aligned. It was fast and hard that just lasted and lasted. The lube was too much for us, as Belle rarely ever needs any. So fast and hard was about the only way that was going to work this night. The sensations were amazing for both us, as she was really getting her hard fucking she was craving, and the feeling her of her squeezing me over and over again just made me want to go even longer. Every thrust was met with a deep moan and another squeeze. Soon enough I could hear Bro moaning, and I started really gearing up at that point. It was like sprinting a marathon downhill, and I finally reached my peak and exploded deep inside of Belle. We all were left gasping for air as we came back to earth.

Belle and I snuggled together afterwards for a while, as we playfully bantered back and forth with Bro. It was a great night all around, even with a few "hiccups" we all had a great time. Maybe we have some time on the cruise next week to do it again with all 3 of us in the room. I would love to say "4" of us, but I'm not going to rush GF and with her injury it might be a real challenge for her.

Chaos sorted out....

2008-12-09T19:24:00.003-05:00

After a very long series of phone calls with my insurance company, I forced the issue and they ended up just accepting the estimate my dad wrote to fix the van. I now have a check in my hand and repairs are underway.

On Thursday of last week, Belle and I started moving things from the old fridge to the new fridge. We were also cooking dinner (ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, etc.) when Belle got a major migraine and went completely out on the couch. I finished cooking dinner, fed the kids, cleaned up the kitchen, and finished putting things in the fridge. Belle was out for a couple of hours before she was coherent enough to even sit up. She ended up with the major "brain bruise" feeling for the next two days.

The tux was ordered and all details finished, and it arrived today.

Then on Saturday we got up and went to see Santa clause and take a horse and buggy ride with him. Afterwards we had breakfast at the Shiney Diner which was good as always. We headed back home so Belle could get into her studio to keep working on xmas gifts that she is making. After settling the kids into something, I went shopping for xmas presents for Belle and GF. So now I have Belle, Bro, and GF all bought for. That is a major accomplishment for me, since I usually wait until xmas eve to start shopping :-) I hit 5 different stores in the process, and only one of them did I NOT buy at least one thing.

The sixth store was for me to buy some pants for the upcoming cruise. In case I've not written it, I don't wear pants EVER. During the coldest part of the winter I still wear shorts and short sleeve shirts, even no socks with my crocs. I tend to run really warm and I end up burning up when I go into a building so its easier to go summer year round. But Belle and GF are requiring us to go to the formal dinners each night on the cruise which require pants. So as not to disappoint the ladies, I went to buy pants. I went to Belks as they usually have everything I need. I found my area, "Big & Tall" section. (the "tall" part is sooooooo NOT needed). After searching through nearly 300 pairs of pants (and I'm not exaggerating) I find 2 pair that are my size. Anyone want to explain to me how size 32 & 34 pants are in the Big & Tall section? (32x30 or 34x30) After trying them on and purchasing I start the next phase, alterations. The lady helping me was a small Asian lady. After looking at how I wear my pants, she tells me I wear them too low (they are on my hips/waist line). She thought I should wear my pants OVER my stomach. I didn't know whether to laugh or be insulted. Thankfully the lady at the register who was maybe mid 20's agreed that you wear them on your waistline. Now I have pants for the cruise.

On Sunday, the day started with my retrieving breakfast for everyone. Then I got all the xmas decorations out, moved some furniture. Belle wanted to decorate out front, so I had to go mow the grass. So its like 40 outside and windy, and I'm out side mowing grass in shorts. Yes I'm insane and I know it. I did put on a windbreaker to keep my upper body regulated. Bell and the kids decorated the house, which included some noise making decoration on EVERY door knob in the house (so obnoxious). Then we all get cleaned up and dressed to go get family pictures taken for xmas. We end up being late leaving the house and arrive about 15 mins late, which is good considering it should have taken 25mins to get there. The studio was running about 15 to 20 mins behind so it all worked out for the best. The kids were a bit stir crazy by the time we got our picture taken. We got literally ONE (out of 7 they took) pose that we could stand. Afterwards we headed home to change so we could go out to eat. No way the kids were going to wear those clothes anywhere that has food or drinks. We went to Red Robin since Belle had a free meal coupon as her birthday is coming up Saturday.

This week hasn't exactly started out amazingly. Yesterday was not so bad, other than I didn't get any real work done. Belle and I cooked dinner and it was amazing. We had baked marinated pork chops, cabbage, and yams. After cooking, we spent time cleaning up the kitchen together. I really do enjoy when we are working together so well that we can cook and clean, and still have fun doing it.

Today, Belle has been sick all day. So I've been trying to keep the kids under control since my son is tracked out until Jan 5th, and my daughter only has half day preschool. So while Belle relaxes, I think I'm going to select a movie from the pile I have bought but never watched. I tend to go on buying sprees occasionally for movies, but it takes me months to get around to watching them.

Friday will be insane! Belle is driving the kids to meet her parents at the half way point between our houses (about 3hr drive there and 3hrs back). Then if all goes well, once she gets back then we will leave and go to my parents place to get the van back. That is 2hrs there and 2hrs back. Then Saturday is Belle's birthday. So Bro and GF will be showing up about mid-day so the girls can go out for pedicures and manicures. Then we are doing dinner that evening to celebrate Belle's birthday. We will make some attempt to sleep that night as we have to drive down to Florida on Sunday morning so we can catch the ship leaving for the Bahamas on Monday.

It probably sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. Its just chaotic, and we still have SO much left to do before we leave. Hope everyone is having a great week!

My week so far

2008-12-03T18:07:00.003-05:00

This week has been a bit insane and doesn't look to get any easier. I started the week by shopping for supplies that Belle needed along with getting measured for a tux (required to attend formal events on the cruise). Other than some insane "sales" at Officemax that could leave a rocket scientist confused, that day went pretty well. During the day someone on my facebook posted they were making lasagna which immediately led to us doing the same at home. It was amazing, probably the best Belle has ever made.

Tuesday started off rather precariously. I barely got my son to school on time, got stuck in a very long line at Starbucks, and was getting phone calls and messages before I could even sit down at work. I had to sort out some questions about the tux with my supplier. Then I get a call from mom saying the insurance adjuster had not arrived (we had been told when we filed the claim that it would be completed by Tuesday) and it was pretty late in the day. After calls to my agent, the insurance adjuster, and back to the agent, I had no inspection completed and no idea of when it might actually get done.

Wednesday required the whole family to be up and motivated by 7am (normally the first person up is not until around 7:30am with people actually motivated until closer to 8:15am) so we could attend a teacher conference at my son's school. My xmas present was set to be delivered today as well. So as I'm sitting down to talk with the teacher, my phone starts ringing (of course, doesn't it always work like that). The delivery guys called to say instead of 12-4, they were arriving between 9:30 and 10:30 to deliver my present. So we finish up with getting both kids to school, and rush home to clean off and out the current fridge in preparation with their arrival. The guys show up about 9:45am to make the delivery and do the initial inspection to see the best way in. After the head back out to the truck, I start getting a few things ready. A few minutes later they start knocking on the door and ringing the door bell. I've known some people that do this and it is annoying, but I do appreciate their respect for my home. I go to answer the door and realize what happened. The door won't open, as the spring mechanism in the door has jammed up. So I remove the door knob to no avail. Then I remove the pins from the hinges and at first that doesn't seem to help. So then I get to use my shoulder to ram the door open. The guys deliver and setup my present (a new refrigerator, which is so freaking awesome).

After attending a series of meeting while working from home, I remove all the tape etc from the fridge and start cleaning it up. I find a one thing missing, and scratches on one of the drawers. So after Belle gets back from pre-school pickup, we head out to get knew doorknob and deadbolt, and report our findings. So now I've repaired the door, and I'm in the process of ordering the new parts from the manufacturer.

I really just want one thing to work like it is supposed to this week before I go insane, cause the rest of the week is pretty busy cause I have tons of meetings and xmas pictures to have made. Back to the chaos!

Thanksgiving Visitors

2008-12-03T17:40:00.004-05:00

The Thanksgiving week did not turn out like I had thought it would or could. I had a great meal, and enjoyed my time hanging with Bro and GF. But the in-laws really put in crimp in the plans and mindset we all had going into the week originally. Most of the days involved chasing kids, figuring out meals and wishing we could be closer. There were a few brief instances where touches and glances were exchanged but for the most part we appeared to just be friends hanging out watching our kids play.

We did have some great meals together. On Wednesday for lunch we had Bolivian (empanadas) at one of my favorite lunch spots. I've known the owners and some of the staff (decent amount of staff turnover) for over 8yrs. So they sat us very quickly and got our the orders in record time with the same amazing quality I have come to expect. It was a challenge finding something for the kids to eat, but it went well and all the kids tried something new. Then Wednesday night we went to our favorite local Italian restaurant. I had already talked to the owner the night before to let him know I had a large group coming in, and he proceed to take me back to the kitchen to show me what he had going for the special. We know them well enough that my kids coming running into the place and start giving out hugs, or definitely hugs as we are leaving. Our group comes in about the same time as another group, and they immediately take us to the best seating in the place. I didn't even really have to order as the owner was making sure I had the special. It was this fabulous steak cook in veggies and homemade sauce with a side of grilled potatoes. Everyone had way too much to eat, but we still got a custom made dessert tray that included tiramisu, cannoli, rich chocolate cake, and homemade cookies.

On Thursday morning, I retrieved some breakfast biscuits from a local fast food place for everyone. Then the masterpiece of the week was cooked by Belle. She did an amazing job as always, especially on my pecan pie. Again we all ate way too much, but who cares. We had turkey, potatoes, veggies, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, rolls, and many different desserts.

On Friday evening after everyone had dinner and the kids were in bed, the 30-somethings all slipped away for a trip to Krispy Kreme for HOT and FRESH donuts!!! The simply melt in your mouth and make you go gooey all over. It is so sinful but worth every single calorie.

On Saturday evening, the kids got to go to a local play center that does drop-in care. They get indoor bounce houses, video games, basketball, make believe areas, plus drinks and snacks. While the kids were playing, the adults went to see a movie. This particular place serves meals to you while you watch the movie. It was a great time, even though Bro and Belle teased GF and I for not eating all our popcorn. That was until they tried ours and realized ours was super salty.

So now I'm left to wait for the cruise which is now just 12 days away, but only 10 more days until Bro and GF arrive back here. I also have only 9 more working days left between now and Jan 5th. And I'll probably only work 6 of those days as one day I'll be so far mentally gone on my cruise that I won't get anything done. And the two days of xmas that I'm not taking vacation time, I'll be working from home (WFH) and doing little of nothing except probably reading everyone else's blogs :-)

Adventures in Roadkill

2008-11-24T19:53:00.006-05:00

Today was a very interesting day to say the very least. We have 6 people on their way to our house over the next couple of days, so we have been cleaning ALOT and the kids have been having activities at school. Since Belle had her studio (also doubles as the guest bedroom) to tidy up and had to make something to take to my daughter's pre-K Family Feast. So I volunteered to take the kids to school and pick up some breakfast while she took care of a few things. After successfully dropping both kids at their respective schools, I called to get Belle's breakfast order. Just a few minutes later I passed another school along my path, when off in the edge of some nearby woods I see a deer eating. As I was just leaving a school zone, I was still travelling along pretty slowly. As I was passing about the area where the deer had been standing (which was about 30 yards or so away from the road), I notice a thud and my window shield comes crashing in on me. I'm immediately covered in glass dust that goes everywhere. To put this in proper context, I wear shorts, short sleeve shirts, and crocs (no socks) every single day no matter the weather (yes, I'm odd but I don't get cold very easily). So my arms, legs, and shoes are covered in glass. I pull off the side of the road.

My first call is to let Belle know that I have gotten us a deer. I could immediately hear the panic in her voice as she started asking if I was ok. (Yes, no injuries to me and not even shaken, just annoyed by the events). She then asks how much damage to the Jeep, at this point I let her know I was driving her minivan and not the Jeep. She did the, "Oh....ok". If it had been my Jeep, I would have been balling like a baby cause I LOVE that Jeep. I reassure her that I'm fine and let her know I need to call the police to file a report and get a tow truck (can't see through windshield at all). I call 911, and get some sent out to my location. I get out of the vehicle and walk around to see the damage. I notice that my fender, hood, windshield and even the roof of the van have been damaged pretty well. (see pics below) The next thing I do is call my parents to ask what is the best way to handle this for them. My parents own a body shop (car repair business), so of course since they are only a couple hours away, they will be doing the work on it. Then it struck me maybe I should let the folks at work know I'll be tied up all morning dealing with this stuff. So I call a co-worker (lovingly referred to as my other wife, we have been working together, sitting next to each other at work and eating lunch together for just over 10 years, so she knows me pretty damn well. She just doesn't come with "benefits" as it were)

A sort of side note, by the time I've talked to my parents, my wife, the police officer, other wife, Bro, and GF; I realize that every single one of them asked about what happened to the deer. Ok, why the hell would I go look for the deer? If it is dead, there is nothing I can do. If it is alive and dying, there is nothing I can do since I only have my keys on me. And its not like I can sue the deer for the damage, so again I ask why the hell would I bother to go look for the deer???

Belle decided to post the following pic on her Facebook account as a way to have some fun at my expense (and yes it was funny to me) :-)

This is a picture from straight on at the vehicle.

This is the pic from the angle where the deer came at the vehicle.

Once I'm home, I call the insurance company to get my claim filed. I get logistics figured out with my parents, and find the closest car rental company that works with my insurance. They are only offering (based on what my insurance pays for) an Altima type car. I know many people think that is not bad, but that is just too freaking small for us. Also my wife is 6ft tall, so having to ride in those type of vehicles is very difficult. And I'm trying to avoid wasting money on paying for upgrades etc. Belle is stressed out that she has no vehicle per say, and she might be in a small car for a couple of weeks. Ok, we do have a 3rd vehicle, but it is a crew cab Dodge Ram with the 8ft bed, so it is a beast to drive to carpool for the kids. We head over to the car rental place and the manager offers us a truck with a crew cab but a normal truck bed. Belle immediately jumps at this because it is better than our truck from a size perspective, and its not a tin can, and has enough room for all of us to sit comfortably.

All of this of course has put a hitch in our plans for getting more of the house cleaned today. We have finally realized the house will simply be clean, and nothing more. Oh well, you have to deal with life the way it is, and not the way you wish it were.

Happy Thanksgiving All.

I hope to have more to write over the next few days, since I'll have Bro and GF here, YAY!.

And I'll have my in-laws here, BOO! (ok don't get me wrong, I love them but they are really putting a major hitch in our plans for the week, doing the "what about us" bullshit, and still have not called or sent my daughter a freak birthday card even though it has been almost a week now. They called my son each year on his birthday like clock work, and she is always forgotten. She doesn't realize it, but it really pisses us off. They acted the same way when she was born. They damn near broke land speed records to get here for his birth but waited a few days before coming to see us.)

2008-11-20T08:53:00.004-05:00

The sometimes problem with Poly....when you're in a mood where you're not feeling all that sexy and schedules get off, etc...There's that niggling thought in the back of your head.

"He can always go somewhere else."

In *THAT* way... And it's irrational. Completely. Because, yes, he can, but he's not going to do something crazy. He (both hes) love you. But when you're already there? Those little voices can get really loud and add to the issues. Then the cycle starts. I've got to fix this, get back in the groove. But now I'm stressed and antsy about it. And feeling less sexy. And the silly little voices just need to shut the f*ck up.

Upcoming Thanksgiving

2008-11-18T14:47:00.003-05:00

The planning for Thanksgiving started a few weeks ago when my mom was in town. She mentioned they were going to be in town for a horse show, so we volunteered to host Thanksgiving at our house. Then a couple weeks ago, Bro and his family were formally invited once all the plans with his family and GF's family has fallen through. So at this point, my parents were going to come over Thanksgiving Day and Bro & GF with kids were going to be in town Wednesday through Saturday.

That is when things start changing in pretty rapid fire succession. First I get an email from my mom that they are going to a different horse show and are no longer coming to our house, and wanting to know if we want to come to their house. Well given the fact we now have guest staying at our house, that is not an option. So now my family will not be part of Thanksgiving. Then Bro gets out of having to work Wednesday before Thanksgiving, so they are now coming down Tuesday night. That was a really cool thing so nothing to complain about, other than my poker buddies and I had already moved poker to Tuesday night. While I do love to play, I can miss a week every so often ;-)

Then yesterday the big bomb fell. My in-laws called yesterday morning to say they were now free to come to Thanksgiving. The challenge is, they live about 8 hours away, so they will be staying Wednesday night through Saturday (quick refresher from above, the same nights that Bro and GF are going to be here). So besides having turned us down on three separate occasions for doing Thanksgiving with us, they decide to show up now. This means they take over the guest bedroom and we have to figure out the most comfortable place for Bro and GF. This also means there is no evening/night time play time between the four of us. No snuggling on the couch, doing massages, or any of the other stuff we typically do together. While I'm not ashamed of what I do in my personal life, there is no need to flaunt this in front of the in-laws and cause family chaos for no good reason. We have spent the past 24 hours coming up with ideas of ways to spend as much alone time together as possible, but we are falling way short of where we all expected it to be.

I've been pretty much bummed out for the past 24 hours, along with the rest. We do have the cruise coming up in about 26 more days, but I hate to waste opportunities. We are now caught in a catch 22. We all want to spend time together, and Belle and I want to see the in-laws, but neither could be completely upset if they cancelled on us either. I'm going to go back to plotting on ways to spend as much time together without in-law chaperons.

TMI #161

2008-11-18T14:42:00.003-05:00

1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?
The last time I was at the movies to see the menu after movie started.

2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
Alone 10; w/ lovers 9.5 (we all have insecurities) w/ family/friends 7.5 w/ anyone else 6

3. What is the longest you've ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?
Damn...do we really have to go there??? After each kid, at least 3 months, and probably a few other times the lasted for several weeks. Not exactly something I kept count of.
I had to go back and change this after my initial response, the real answer turned out to be approximately 3yrs during college.

4. Have you ever had sex in a car? If yes, since you were a teenager?
Yes, and yes!

5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?
I'm not really sure what is meant by this. But given I rarely get sick, I do not eat very much when I don't feel well but I do tend to drink a lot of water to flush my system as it were. I do eat a lot of soup when I don't feel well.

Bonus: Name three words that:
a) get you excited: roller coaster, sex (any form or word that means or implies sex, I'm a guy), travel

b) make you squirm: "kicked in the nuts" (bad squirm), "blow job" (good squirm), "snakes" (heebee jeebees squirm)

c) make you laugh: "any word said in southern belle draw", "my nick names", "beer" (too many frat boy references)

TMI #160

2008-11-13T16:28:00.001-05:00

1. Ever been skinny dipping?
Yes.

2. How often do you kiss or make out without it simply being a foreplay activity?
On occasion, but its definitely on my priority list to increase significantly.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how content are you with your life? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest) Do you think 'content' and 'happy' the same thing?
6-7 range; Content is NOT the same as happy. Contentment is a state of mind/level of satisfaction, where as being happy is an emotion and therefore is separate.

4. What do you do to relieve stress?
Very good question. There are two things that always helped me relieve stress, programming and driving. My programming space has been taken away from me as my job evolved. Driving is and has always been the one way I manage my emotions and stress levels. Unfortunately, its not always the safest method as during particularly stressful or emotional periods, it could actually make things worse. I have tried exercising it out of me to the point I would over do it. Almost a case of if I beat myself or torture myself enough then all the other stuff goes away. I have read that sex is a good way to relieve stress but it is rarely an option that makes sense for me.

5. What was the special trait in your first lover that made you decide that they were "the one?"
At the time I thought it could have been love, but the more I've "reviewed" my life over time. It was for all the wrong reasons. We had dated off and on a couple times already, she was smitten with me, and I was nothing but hormones back then. Plus I was completely stressed by then as I really just wanted to leave my parents house and never come back. I was just ready to be on my own w/o anyone telling me what to do. So it was really just time and place along with opportunity.

Bonus: How old were you when you first had sex? (positive experiences here...)
18 by a few weeks, and the only positive part was, it was a first.

TMI #159

2008-11-04T11:42:00.001-05:00

1. Have you ever had a moving violation? An auto accident? That was your fault?
One speeding ticket for 80 in a 55 (I was pulled over under the 65 speed limit sign).I wrecked my Shadow twice; once at 17 on a rainy day as two cars passed another at the same time, well as the other came pulled into the lane it stopped immediately and I didn't stop fast enough. The second I was in college, and was getting on to belt line, and it was a traffic jam and didn't see if soon enough.I had a couple of parking lot bump into things, where I tried to back out and the other cars assumed I saw them.

2. Have you ever voted? How old was your were you the first time you voted?
Yes. The first time was back when Clinton left.

3. Are you glad this election cycle is over?
YES!!! Please no more commercials.

4. Do you have guilty pleasure? What is it (or are they)?
Yes, who doesn't? New tech toys when I can let myself. Spoiling others.

5. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done recently?
hmmmmm, its been a long time since I was embarrassed. I don't embarrass easily so I don't recall anything.

Bonus: How much impact has the Wall Street and general economic wilt had on you?
It has destroyed my stocks but I wasn't counting on things right now anyways, so no big deal for the short term.

My Kids

2008-11-03T10:21:00.002-05:00

I rarely talk about my kids on here, but after this weekend I feel the need to share my excitement. I am very blessed to have two very bright, beautiful, happy, and healthy children.

My son is nothing what I would have imagined before I had kids. He has little to no interests in sports, but he loves art, music, video games, and reading. He also has been challenged in life with ADHD (for those that understand the testing for this, he showed 14 of the 16 markers for ADHD so no minor case). Our biggest challenge with him is maintaining focus and controlling himself. So that sounds like most kids, and I do agree, but in his case they are much more exaggerated than your typical kid. You may ask WHY this is relevant or important. I'm going to get to that part soon *smiles*.

My daughter on the other hand is pretty much exactly as I had thought she would be given my wife's and my personalities. She is a princess tomboy. She can be absolutely girly girly, but the next a complete tomboy where she wants to play sports or other outdoor activities. She is always getting dirty, running and falling down (which she will jump up and say I fell but I'm fine) and keeps running. She has attitude to spare and will not be picked on. I was once tickling her on the couch and she said stop, but I didn't stop I kept going. She grabbed her sippy cup at the time and whacked me across the bridge of my nose. I stopped then caused I was checking for a broken nose. Then one morning about 6 months ago, my son comes running into our room screaming his sister hit him. I asked him what he did to her (as he is older and known to pick on her sometimes) and he said nothing. So I asked her and she was yelling at the top of her lungs, "he called me a baby"! So she had taken a board book of her and threw it at him. It caught him across the nose and under his eye. He got a cut on the nose and black-eye. (yes, we did lecture her on using words and not violence to resolve issues, but we were laughing our ass off later in our room) So we now joke that the first guy that takes my daughter out may find out the hard way if he crosses the line, cause he'll show back up with a bloody nose.

So, with that background, you can see I have some obviously very spirited kids. They usually come into our room EVERY morning to wake us up and watch TV in our bedroom. Over the weekend, they NEVER came into our room to wake us up. Instead they got up together, played in the upstairs loft area. They was no fighting, arguing, screaming, or anything. We barely ever heard them except for the occasional giggling. This happened two days in a row, and again this morning (they were a little louder this morning but still no invasion). Then while my wife and I cleaned the entire downstairs this weekend, they played quietly and happily upstairs together. There was no fighting the entire time. I was in complete and utter shock the entire weekend from this type of behavior. So to reward such great behavior, we dipped in their behavior boxes (a box of toys we have bought to give them for behaving and doing things we ask them to do) and gave them a new Webkinz stuffed animal. And Saturday morning I gave them candy from their Halloween haul BEFORE breakfast. They even ate all of their breakfast without being prompted or forced. So I'm not sure which aliens stopped by on Friday or while we were out trick-n-treating and traded kids with us. But all I can say is WOW!!!!

Not much else going on in my world but just felt the need to share that.

Happy Monday all!

TMI #158

2008-10-28T11:37:00.000-04:00

First names and approximate age is fine too many of you aren't anonymous and too many of you wish to stay anonymous.

1. Who and when was your first crush?
3rd Grade, Stephanie (she has the most incredible blue eyes)

2. Who and when was your first date?
16 (Jr in HS), Krystal

3. Who and when was your first kiss?
16 (Jr in HS), Krystal

4. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in car?
16 (Jr in HS), Krystal

5. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in a house?
16 (Jr in HS), Krystal

6. Who and when was your first love?
18 (Sr in HS), Krystal (so I thought.....didn't know what love was until I met Belle)

Bonus: Who's blog did you first comment on?
no idea!!!!

TMI #157

2008-10-21T16:39:00.002-04:00

Now to this weeks TMI.

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience?
Sort of....when I was in college I asked a girl out from work. She came over for a party. Since we knew there would be drinking, we went out for some dinner, then came back for some drinks. After a few drinks, we ended up making out. But as things got going, she suddenly put the brakes on. So I did feel a little bad since I feel like maybe I rushed things a bit that triggered this. But that is about it.

2. Did you ever own a fake ID?
I went to a bar that was "fraternity friendly", so I used my big bro's license to show but it was ignored as we were getting in either way. But never really had one.

3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking?
With the kids sure, Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny. If I'm setting up a surprise, I may have to use one to keep the person from finding out. But for any other purpose I don't tend to do that. I just don't believe in lying.

4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism?
I think it along the lines of like 7....but if you ask Belle its probably like a 2 ;-)

5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair?
Yes; not currently.

Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship? How about men?
Women: 35%
Men: 70%
(I did put in numbers, but only to try and answer the question, reality is, to each his own!)

TMI #156

2008-10-21T16:36:00.003-04:00

Ok, I wrote this last week but forgot to post it, duh!!!

1. What do you do that sends a clear signal to your partner that you're interested in an intimate evening?
This is a challenging question, all the "subtle" approaches I've tried seem to come across as I want to snuggle. So I have to either be extremely blunt or as I've joked around about it for a long time, maybe buy a neon sign to hang around my neck.

2. How important is foreplay to an exciting evening?
It is extremely important, lots of kissing, stroking, fondling, and then even more kissing.

3. What is the first thing you do during foreplay or what is the first thing you like done to you?Kissing I believe is how you should always start, but after kissing I love to be touched any and every where but not necessarily my dick.

4. Are you a one and done kind of partner (20 minutes or so) or do you like intimacy sessions longer than 60 minutes?
Ok reality seems to be more often one and done given we have kids, ala there are limited time available (need to rectify that), but my preference and capabilities are definitely for longer than 60 minutes (all day???).

BONUS: If you are interested in sex with a same-sex partner, what would be the first thing you'd like to touch on that other person, and why? (For those already in same sex relationships...what was the first thing you touched, or if you were interested in a relationship with the opposite sex, what would be the first thing you touched?)
No fantasy in this area, so nothing to put here.

A lot of firsts

2008-10-20T14:56:00.006-04:00

For those who would prefer to read more hardcore type things then you may want to pass on this one as it is rather sweet and sappy.

This was our first weekend where the entire intent of the weekend was to spend time together as a group. We were attending a Renaissance Festival but we were going to be together the entire weekend, even if the festival didn't happen. After arriving to Bro and GFs house late, we fed all the kids, and ordered our dinner. The kids played while we ate our dinner, but instead of wearing down they got more wound up. After spending a while getting the kids into bed and content, we started playing a new game I brought along (Loaded Question). It was a lot of fun, but there were a few times when we all had the same answers. As part of the game there are times when you have to figure out what the person reading the question would say. So the question I read was something about what I like about having alone and quiet time. Bro and GF both selected, peace and quiet with no kids. My dearest wife thought masturbation was why I enjoyed alone and quiet time. It was pretty damn funny for those there, but I had to remind her I don't need to be alone or have quiet for that :) Since we had to get up really early the next day, we called it a night pretty early for us (like 11PM).

We got up around 6am, ok I got up around 6:15am after having been woke up at 1am with Belle putting her book away, 2:30am by my daughter coming to say she couldn't sleep, and 3am by my daughter saying she had gotten sick. Then from 3:15am to 4am her saying I'm going to be sick again many times. So after about 3 hrs of sleep, I did snooze for about 15 minutes before I got up. We all got dressed in our favorite garb for the festival, and headed outside. The kids all wanted to ride in our van since it comes with a DVD player. We had kind of figured this might happen so we went with this. But then some how (still not sure WHY), Belle and I ended up with all the kids while Bro and GF took their car. My first stop was going to be Starbucks, I needed my frap with a few shots of espresso :) During this stop, Bro decided to trade with me. So now GF and I are taking his car, while Bro and Belle take the kids. The ride goes quite smoothly, and GF and I talk quite a bit and do a bit of radio karaoke. For the first time GF shares part of my frap with me. (Bro, those damn breaks are sensitive!)

We arrived at the faire a bit early, given Belle time to get into her corset and Bro a chance to finished getting dressed as well. We headed into the Faire and wandered around a bit before heading to do some shopping, followed short time later by meeting GFs parents for the first time. I had a total of 3 interactions with her parents that last a grand total of 10 minutes combined, as they kept going to do their thing while we did ours. We had a great time at the faire. While stopping for food, I got a fried ice cream for dessert. GF shared a bit with me (ok, so did Bro and Belle, but still). The kids kept wanting to go to the play area setup just for the kids. So GF and I took the kids to play area while Bro and Belle ran back to the car to drop off things and wander a bit. After the kids started playing on the pirate ship, GF and I sat down at one of the picnic table. Then she shocked me a bit, she leaned over and snuggled up against me with her head on my chest. Her parents are here at the faire and all 4 kids are running around just a short distance away. Then when one of her kids comes running by to find where we sat down, GF waves at her, she waves and runs back to keep playing. I was so expecting her to jump or move, but she never did. We stayed there sitting snuggled up while the kids played until my son decided he had to go potty. Afterwards, GF and I went for a walk together around the faire while Bro and Belle took over watching the kids. (They were a little bummed later when I told them cause they had been trying so hard to be good *grins* but this is about me so they have to post about their thoughts if they want to share them). We left a short time later and drove back to the house while do a bit more radio karaoke.

Once back home, everyone got showered cause of all the dust at the faire. Then we made the kids some dinner and started preparing dinner for the adults. I hung out with GF in the kitchen most of the time, trying to help out where possible. I noticed a few times that she would lightly touch my arm or back when walking by me. The first time I thought it was incidental contact as it were, but it happened a few more times so it was definitely intentional on her part. After the kids ate, they ran off to play while we finished getting dinner ready. (Bro, excellent job on the chicken) The meal was fabulous and then GF brought out dessert (bread pudding with a carmel sauce) and it was so awesome especially since I love carmel flavors. After we were done eating, we just hung out at the table just talking. While talking, GF decided to prop her foot up in my lap. So I spent the next while just stroking her leg and foot while chatting. I'm a major snuggle bug so this was absolutely perfect for me. (when Belle and I hang out, I'm constantly stroking something, feet, legs, arms, hair, etc.; wonder if that is some kind of fetish??? *grins*) Finally decided it was time to clean up and get the kids ready for bed. All four of us started cleaning the kitchen which made it go so fast, and then we herded four kids off to bed in pretty short order.

After the kids got to bed (ok at least in the bedrooms) we figured out where the massage table should be setup, so I took to setting things up. GF spent some time checking out the new massage bars we got from Lush. (they go on like an oil but soak into your skin like a lotion, so amazing, I would recommend this to any one wanting to give or get a massage) It was decided that GF would go first so she scurried off upstairs to change clothes in preparation. The last time she wore a one piece, but this time it was an actual bikini. After she was laying down, with a moment of hesitation, she even let me untie her top. I then spent the next hour and half massaging all her muscles from head to toe (ala anything not covered by bathing suit). During the massage, Bro and Belle played stair guard to keep a group of kids in their rooms since they kept coming up with reasons to come downstairs. Then Bro and Belle sat on the couch together sorta watching me give GF her massage. This was definitely a new experience for me as the only time anyone has really watched was the one time Belle left her cam on for Bro to watch her while I gave her a massage. It wasn't a bother or weird, just a new experience. After her massage, I took a break to give my hands and back some time to relax before the next massage. Then Bro decided to step up and help me out by offering to give Belle a massage. He did an amazing job and was able to maintain his "pressure" at an enjoyable level for Belle. (see Bro has a tendency to apply a little extra pressure, but in his defense this was the first time ever using a massage table, but still he did a great job). For anyone aspiring folks looking to give a better massage, get a table suited for it. The quality of the massage is so much better when the person is at the right height and you are able to move around to reach each body part easily (which is difficult on a bed).

After GF's massage, I had sat down in a chair to rest a bit. After getting some water, GF came back and curled up on the couch. It was a smallish couch so I was a bit hesitant to join her, ala didn't want to make her feel too crowded. But she would glance up from her pillow at me. So I decided what the hell and joined her on the couch which she welcomed me with putting her feet in my lap. I was able to watch Bro work Belle's tired muscles while I sat there stroking GF's feet, back, and her hair. To put this in perspective, this was the first public display of affection towards me in front of Bro and Belle. We sat like this for a while, when she sat up and took note of the time. She was very tired from the night before and the pretty long day at the faire so I had figured she was going to head to bed, but not this time, she proceeded to put her head on my chest and snuggled up against me. At this point, I probably had one of those Cheshire cat grins on my face. It was sort of like earlier at the faire, but this time much closer with a lot less clothes separating us. I kept stroking her hair, face, and shoulder while sitting here. We snuggled like that for quite a while (long after Bro and Belle had finished up with her massage and had headed downstairs to the other couch). I could have stayed like that all night, but knew she needed her rest and instead of being greedy I tried to send her off to bed. Which at first she seemed like she would, but then she adjusted and snuggled back up next to me. About 15 minutes or so later she finally decided she needed sleep and headed off to bed. I was in complete elation because of all these firsts. I headed downstairs to get some sleep myself.

We all slept in the next day (and the kids all played pretty quietly and let us sleep in) at least until the responsibility gene kicked in and we got up to take care of the kids. Belle and I went ahead and packed up so that we could spend more time just hanging out before we left. We went to breakfast and chatted for a while. GF decided to sit across from me (so she could look into my blue eyes as she put it) and Bro actually sat next to me. We chatted and watched kid after kid go back and forth to the bathroom. You would have thought there was some kind of candy in the bathroom as much as they all went. We got back to the house, I loaded the van and herded up the kids to say good-bye. As we were about to leave, I got my good-bye hug from GF, and then she sneaked in a good-bye kiss on the cheek (another first). A nearly perfect end to a wonderful weekend.

Belle and I got some red light kisses in on the way home and she was almost giddy herself. The drive went pretty smooth. We are currently planning some additional trips over the next couple of months. I see a lot more snuggles in my future!

The State of My World

2008-10-13T18:44:00.004-04:00

I wish there was more to blog about, but things have been actually very quiet for about a week now. Just been doing the typical stuff like cleaning house, spending time with wife and kids, and working. Belle's been dealing with migraines and sinus infections, so I've tried to help out as much as possible and gave her a couple of massages to make her feel better. We did manage to get caught up on all the season premiers plus added in a new HBO Series to the mix (True Blood).

We are going to see Bro and GF this coming weekend, as a family event. Therefore most activities for the weekend will be pretty tame; a Renaissance Festival, some massages, and games. Oh and did I mention, I'll be meeting GF's parents, this should be sooooo much fun (*drips sarcasm*). I did figure at some point I'd meet her friends and family to some degree, but it just seems so early and does add pressure for me to make sure I behave appropriately. The fact we are going to be in public and the kids are around, it would have been very muted anyways, but this just takes it to a whole new level. Its just a mental challenge for me, but I'll get there, just have to get my game face on and just hope for the best.

There seems to have been alot of change going on in the different blog circles as of late. A couple of blogs are gone, and a few have gone private in the past week. I understand why this happens, but it is a bit sad to see folks going through this. Good luck to all and have a safe week!

Tagged

2008-10-10T14:39:00.006-04:00

I have been tagged by Holly so here goes 7 (my lucky number) Random Facts about Shad:

4 of the women I've ever been with were in or had just been in a lesbian relationship at the time.

I've never broken a bone. (dislocated one but never broken)

I hate soda. I'm a beer snob (imports or micro-brews only) darker the better.

One of my football teams I played on went undefeated and unscored on for an entire season.

I've had sex on a trampoline in the middle of a state park.

I once worked 130hrs in a single week, and was informed by my boss that it was EXPECTED of me and was only paid for 40hrs. (I left the job a few weeks later.)

My favorite music growing up was Gangsta Rap; today its Country.

I'm not tagging anyone as my blog is much too new to have enough people to tag and most everyone else that I follow has already been tagged.

TMI #155

2008-10-07T11:27:00.003-04:00

1. Prudence: When do you feel it is most important to exercise prudence? When is it acceptable to throw practicality out the window?

Prudence should be exercised when other people's feelings, needs, etc. are at risk, or when the risk far outweighs the benefits.

Toss out the practicality when the outcome doesn't matter or when the reward outweighs the risk.

2. Justice: Is a sense of justice really a virtue, or is only a tool that allows us to pass judgment on others without feeling guilty? What do you feel is the greatest injustice facing the world today?

ok I'm just really jaded but Justice a virtue, are you freaking kidding me??? Justice is in the eyes of the beholder and everyone's idea of justice vary greatly. I believe it is more often just a tool, but whatever it really its, it ain't no stinking virtue.

The greatest injustice in the world today is that all people are not treated equal. There is still major inequality between genders, races, and sexual preferences. Makes no sense whatsoever to me, we are all equal under God (I'm not a major religious advocate, but I do have a belief in God). Stop the prejudice. *steps off the soapbox*

3. Temperance: All things in moderation. Should we allow ourselves a few excesses? How well do you restrain yourself when faced with your deepest desires?

I'd love to embrace moderation better but in reality I suck at it. But when you earn it, you should be allowed a few excesses, even though I think most people take that too far (me included, you should see my Old Navy charges for the past couple months, ok they were for Belle but I bought the stuff to cause I love to spoil her rotten and she is rotten *grins*).

Restraint, if it is something I want, I bury it deep, deep, deep inside of me and try to never let it out. I've been looking at home theater stuff for nearly 7 years and won't buy it, and its not something others can buy for you (*eyes Belle*, don't even think about it) and that is just the material things. I try to take care of my needs, but my wants are usually secondary to everything else, and for anyone who is married and/or has kids, you know what I mean.

4. Courage/Fortitude: How well do you confront fear and uncertainty, or intimidation? Does facing the little things make you as brave as facing the big things?

Fear: There is very little I fear and for those few things my response is aggression. Its probably that flight or fight response, I fight.

Uncertainty: This really sucks for me. I do not like being uncertain, I do very well where I know the boundaries. This usually only comes into play with something that is known to me. If we are talking something all together new, then I see that as a challenge and I jump in head first. But when something is a known quantity, and there is uncertainty about it, it throws me for a loop and I have to think and even talk about it until I find something to grasp and then I move forward.

Intimidation: I'm rarely if ever intimidated. Actually from a work perspective, its the other way around. I'm very blunt, straight forward, and even a bit passionate. When there are multiple bull-head people in a room, I usually win and people go my way. I'm very logically and convincing, and I have worked hard over the years in my influencing skills. That is why many of my co-workers call on me to help when they know the meeting will be very contentious. In my personal life, I'm not sure there is very much intimidation that I can think of.

Anytime you can face a fear or challenge as such, that is an accomplishment and should be considered the same no matter how big the challenge. Then again most of the time if you win the battles (small stuff) you can be victorious in the war (big stuff).

5. Faith: Is it important to have faith? How steadfast are you in your core beliefs? Do your core beliefs equate to faith in something?

I do believe it is important to believe/have faith in something, no matter what it is. That is essentially that one true and unwavering thing you can count on when the rest of your world is turned upside down. Without it you become lost at sea with no compass or paddle.

My core beliefs have remained unchanged for pretty much my entire life (or as far back as I can remember). Always be a "good person" (definitions vary by person) and take care of your own. If you can do that, then you will ultimately be successful in life.

I'm not sure if faith and beliefs are one in the same, but could very well be. For me it just happens that my faith and beliefs are in alignment with each other.

6. Hope: Does having hope for the future help you deal with the present? How good are you at finding the good in the bad? What is the thing you hope for most?

I don't know if you call it hope, but having something to look forward to does help deal with any present unrest. But hoping things will happen is not a good way to go about life. You have to make things happen and not sit around hoping something will happen. I believe if you earn something and make something happen will be much better than just hoping something will happen. I don't like to depend on something or other people. I do for myself and that takes alot of the hope out of the equation.

I do try to be positive and look for the good in things and people. But as I get older I think I get more jaded and tend to be a bit of a pessimist at times. Really depends on my mood :-)

As a rule, I try not to hope. I know it works for some people and its a great thing. I kind of feel like I'm setting expectations for something, and then when my expectations are not met, then I'm disappointed, so why do it? So instead of hoping, just do it!

7. Love/Charity: How easy is it for you to give selfless, unconditional, and voluntary loving-kindness? How easy is it for you to receive selfless, unconditional, and voluntary loving-kindness?

Good question. I'm always torn on this. Sometimes I'm too reserved and hold back and others I give to quickly. Its really insane, but I'm human which makes it typical.

Receiving: I'm usually a bit skeptical at first but when it is "proven" to me in a way other than just verbal, but through actions then I'm more receptive. I'm very much a giver and not a receiver. (I don't mind receiving, just not very good at it.) Its probably because to receive, that means you have to depend on someone else and I have always had a major challenge depending on anyone for anything.

An update

2008-10-07T11:15:00.003-04:00

I got my response back from GF, and things will essentially remain status quo for the forseeable future. That basically means we will remain just friends and maybe someday (where someday is some point in time way out in the future) there might be more. I'm good with that and we'll just have to see where things go. We have a good time hanging out and since its not like we are taking a step back, there should be no issues going forward.

*Side Note: Bro this is not one to discuss further with her. Lets give her time, and go at her pace. I believe this is a case where analyzing or discussing this to death will only push her further away. I love you bro, but for now there is no need to push things.*

Together Again

2008-10-07T10:35:00.002-04:00

After having been away for the weekend, it was nice having some time to reconnect with my wife. My dearest has become a big fan of Lush products and after having order some online, she wanted to go check out the local store which happens to be located in the one larger malls in the area. Given its location, I avoid the area like the plague during rush hour. So I agreed we'd head over there after picking up the oldest from school, and then I remember, the Japanese Steakhouse is there in the mall as well. So off we go after pickup for the mall (around 4PM), the traffic is quite light and we get great parking right outside of the restaurant. The Lush store was located very centrally in the mall so we spent some time in there. One of the items that sounded good to both of us was the massage bars. I typically use Bath & Body massage oils but I'm always up for trying something new. We got the Amazonian, Each Peach, Soft Coeur, and Glitterbug Sparkle from the massage bar section (she got a few other things of course). Afterwards we headed down to the restaurant for dinner (had a short wait as we were early for dinner sea tings). We shared a dinner for two that included Lobster, Fillet Mignon, and Chicken. The lobster and fillet were to die for, so amazing that they melt in your mouth. Belle got the Sake sampler with her meal. This led to a bit of flirting and "planning" for later and promises of picture(s) for bro.

Ok, we really suck at planning because every time we make plans for most anything, it never goes according to plan as life gets in the way. So instead of put the kids to bed, sex, massage, and then play Neosteam, it went more along the lines of put the kids to bed, play Neosteam, and then massage. We do so much better at just spontaneous actions versus planned ones. Just to be very clear, this is not me complaining but me pointing out the facts.

When we Neosteam, we do this with Bro and GF. This means we all login to the game, put on the headsets, dial the phone and start gaming. We try to set "limits" on how long we play, but again that never really works, we get caught up in a quest or grind session as we try leveling our characters that we go way beyond our "limit". This of course worried Belle since she really wanted her massage. And to be fair, it had been a few weeks mainly due to my surgery, and I'm sure a little to do with the fact I had been massaging GF and Belle wanted her turn. So I reassured her that no matter when we got done playing, I would provide her massage even if that meant a 1AM massage.

I am a man of my word, so about midnight we finally get done with the game and I setup the massage table. Of course we are going to try one of the new massage bars, and she selects the Soft Coeur which I had not noticed before has a chocolate center. Yes you read that correctly, it has a chocolate center. The way it works you rub the bar in your hands like you do a bar of soap and the bar melts onto your hands so you can then apply it to someone. It was a new sensation to me and Belle absolutely loved the way it felt (she will probably add her comments or thoughts on them separately). So I started on her back to work away the tense muscles from her day (forgot to mention she had another migraine that morning) so she was a bit tight at first. I spent about 35 minutes working on her back alone. But a massage is not complete if you do not do the whole body. So as I started on her legs, I got into the chocolate a little. At first it just seemed to add a light brown tinge to her skin, but by the time I got to the other leg I was into the center of the bar. Her other leg was completely covered in chocolate, and according to her felt pretty damn good. Well at first it was fun for me, but then it was essentially trying to exfoliate my hands (felt like sandpaper on my hands, and to be honest I don't really have callouses on my hands given my job. My dad used to always tell me I had "pussy hands", which resulted in my response of "you are what you play with" *grins*). So I had to go clean my hands and find something to clean Belle up with. She had gone into a deep zone (maybe even a little sleep) at this point, so once I finished removing all the chocolate she snapped back out. So we decided to finish the massage with the Each Peach which did have a heavenly scent. I moved on to her arms at this point with the new bar. Afterwards it was time for the front, so she rolled over so I could finish up her legs and feet. And with any good massage I finish up by working on her temples and the front of her head. Finished up at 1:30am, which seems about typical. I'm either really slow or I'm thorough because while most places the massage only last 60 minutes, I rarely ever get done in under 75 minutes but most of the time its 90 minutes.

Soon enough I have Belle upstairs and in bed sleeping peacefully. I love bonding with my girl.

A quick intro

2008-10-06T15:29:00.002-04:00

So I was supposed to write a quick introduction, but I have a sub for that.

*smiles at Belle* then takes her soap box and stands up on it.
Hello, I am TheDom referenced in this blog.
Let’s see if the belle missed anything… As it’s been said by TheShadow (aka my bro), we have been asked if we are twins (we’re not), I’m the taller brother and a bit older.
Come to think of it, I'm the oldest of this bunch, I wonder if I can use the respect your elders line?
Moving on, I am a hired geek by trade (translatation = IT consultant). As its been stated I’m married to the Her of this blog and we have two kids.
*grins at Belle* hon, you follow directions very well and tend to not only when it’s in my best interest or some reason truly requires you not to.
As for the boy comment… *winks*
So as Belle said, while we have dealt with some bits of Hell at times, this slice of Heaven is worth it.
The Dom

He's a Geek...and needs help...

2008-10-06T11:52:00.012-04:00

dom·i·nant -adj -
1 a: commanding, controlling, or prevailing over all others,
b: very important, powerful, or successful

It's me again. It's supposed to be The Dom. Or as Shad calls him, Bro. (As you can imagine, "Bro" doesn't really work for me. Which leaves me trying to come up with a nickname for here that isn't too cutesy and won't result in me meeting the business end of the ball chain flogger.) (No, he doesn't use it on me. Well, not like *THAT*. But it's a nice little threat. I digress.) So....HIM, for now. Him seems to be having a bit of an issue writing up an introduction. Which is funny, since half the time we don't get off the phone in a reasonable time cause he can't hush up. (Okay, I can't either. And I'm sure he will point that out. But it's HIM!) *ahems*

[Hiya! TheDom here with a few comments -- first, girl, perhaps I wanted you to do this as a task? Or maybe I wanted to know what you would write about me. (yea, I knew already) So yea, it boils down to I suck at writing about myself -- as for a nickname Belle, Sir works well :D - side note the chain ball flogger does have a nice thud to it](hmmm...Sir. duh.)

So...without further ado...The Dom. Where to start. He's tall. Which I like. I have this tall guy fetish thing. (And I love accents, which he doesn't have so much, though the Southern thing slips in every once in a while, and it'll do, but...*ahems* I digress, again.) Tall. Yes. Tall. And has these amazing eyes. Shad has amazing blue eyes...like...clear beach glass blue. Stunning laughing eyes. Him has stormy blue grey eyes that bore right through you. And are scary as hell when he's serious. Or when I'm in trouble. Not that I get in trouble. I could go on about all of his attributes that make me gush. ( I gush about Shad, too, it's just that this is Him's introduction. Shad can apparently write one on his own. I'll gush about him (not Him, him; but Shad, him...oh, boy...) later. ) (I've gotta stop with the parenthetical statements. I have an English degree, for goodness sake.) Anyway. gushing. He's sexy. We'll leave it with that. (Kevin Costner lips. The way that little corner kinda sort half sneers? Seriously. guh.)

And with all that you'd think I totally fell for him based purely on physical attraction, right? Nope. Didn't even know what he looked like the first time I talked to him. And I was totally intrigued from the first meeting. Well...sorta. We met online in a chat room of sorts. That he ran. And my first thought was uhoh...what the heck did I do that he noticed me? Then he hit on me. Total HNG. *giggles* He has a certain online image. But then, I suppose I do, too. All of that nonsense aside, I figured something out...there's this really neat guy under there. After oh, 7 years of online banter (and come ons) I met the man in person and found out he's this witty, intelligent, uh, total geek. In that sexy way that geeks are now that we're adults and not the way they were in high school? He can write papers on crazy techie computer things that make me go, "huh?" and yet can't write an intro...hrmmm. Alas..

[You know she is right, its not purely physical. I know this - she left off one thing she gave a nickname to.]

[She is right about the online persona. It served me well, except for it took us 7 years to really get to know each other. That being said the chase was fun too.]

In a nutshell. The Dom is a smart, witty, sexy, non-intro writing ...er...well...Dom. He likes kinky delicious things...and tormenting me, controlling (at the very least, trying to) me. He's a dad. Their two and our two are about the same age. We live eerily similar lives in not quite close enough areas of the US. He has a warped sense of humor, and a serious control streak. (duh.) He likes Sci-Fi and geeky web comics. Renn Faires and wicked er...toys. He can laugh during sex, and five minutes later make me cry. (In a good way. See 'Dom' above.)

I guess that's the big thing. He's a Dom. And he's the perfect Dom for me. I could write books on why that is. We're not exactly conventional. Hehe. I mean obviously, our chosen lifestyle isn't, but even beyond that. We don't fit the standard definitions the BDSM world would put out there, either. But he's definitely my Dom and a damn good one. And I'm a lucky girl to have him.

[After spending some time searching for the right girl I know I have found her in Belle. She is dead on when she says we are not exactly conventional, but what we have works for us better than a lot of others I know in the lifestyle.]

Did I mention he has dimples? Seriously....Kevin Costner lips AND dimples when he grins....*swoons* *ahems*

[Still no mention of the nickname *hehe*](and I'm not gonna mention it, SIR. *ahems* I'd blush. *grins and ducks*)

I'll be seeing y'all,
Belle

Written by Belle -- edited by The Dom

The Dom
ps. great work, belle *kiss*
pps. good job not running too many red lights (Hey, I managed not to say how *cute* my Dom is....)

Adrenaline

2008-10-06T11:11:00.003-04:00

I was on such an adrenaline rush all weekend that I think I might having a hangover today. I had taken Friday off so I could be relaxed and make the trip when I was ready to go. So I started by getting the kids ready for school and dropping them off. I had convinced Belle to delay shower time until after I dropped off the kids. For the past several months we have taken every shower together as its a great time to be able to talk without the kids, and I really love washing and shaving her.

After the shower I took my time packing since I knew GF couldn't make it until closer to 7PM so didn't want to sit around the hotel alone for several hours. I got the clothes packed, tickets for amusement park, massage table, and other miscellaneous things. Kissed Belle goodbye as she rushed out to pick up the youngest from preschool (yes nearly 3 hrs to shower and pack, really took my time). It was a great day to drive, the sun was shining with no clouds and a slight breeze so it was a wonderful top down day. It was also one of those rare days when traffic just simply flowed, as I went floating about 80 up the interstate.

I made my destination in like record time (shaved like 45 mins off my trip) and got checked into the hotel, setup the massage table, and put a few bottles of wine in the fridge. That is when I realized I forgot the wine opener and glasses. So I called GF who happened to be walking out the door to bring her wine opener (we have matching ones, cause I was so envious of hers). Then I went shopping for some real wine glasses (not using plastic cups), and found a great deal on stemware. Picked up my frap from Starbucks and headed back to hotel to chill. I called GF as she drove (thanks bro for setting up the headset for her) to keep her company and make the trip go faster. After getting hung up in rush hour traffic, she managed to hit the open interstate and started making really good time. The closer she got the more anxious I got. We have seen other in person before but this was our first time together without spouses or kids. My mind was a flurry of what could happen and I kept trying to keep my head straight knowing that no matter what happened I wanted it to be fun.

GF arrived around 7PM then we walked to a nearby restaurant (we both enjoy walking). This is where I feel the need to pause and vent. Why on earth can the waiter not figure out when we have sent him away at least 3 times to not to come back every 30 seconds???? We were obviously talking and not reading the menu and were in no hurry what so ever, but he just hovered. We finally took a break from talking to read the menu and order.

We ended up sitting there for a couple hours before we finally decided to head back to the hotel room. When I originally proposed this trip, we had only known each other a few weeks so I had offered to get 2 rooms so she didn't feel the pressure of having to share a room with me. We spent the rest of the evening just sitting on my bed talking. There had originally been some discussion about doing a massage that night, but there never seemed to be an "opening" where offering seemed right.

Ok need to share something for this all to make sense or at least get what is going through my head. GF has only ever been with bro so all of this is really new. And when things first started she asked that we go slow and for me to be patient with her. That is all great, and I have no issues. My challenge is that I've always been good at reading people, but I'm having such a hard time with her. There are almost no visual cues (ie facial expressions or body language) and I'd say near zero verbal indicators to feed on. I'm almost over sensitive to not pushing her and making her feel pressured, but at the same time I don't want her to read me as uninterested. I freaking feel like I'm back in early HS when girls were unsure of what they wanted or where they would go. I hit college and things just came very naturally. I just really don't want to scare her off as well as I don't want her thinking I'm only after sex (ok so I do almost always have sex on the brain, but I do work very hard to keep it buried deep when I'm around her so I don't let my dick control my thoughts and actions). So after all of this, I decided to send her email last night explaining my feelings towards her, and requesting she share hers with me. I would normally do this in a face to face setting but really do not want to put her on the spot if she is uncomfortable. I've got to find my grove where I can read her enough to keep things moving at the right pace and back off appropriately.

So back to the weekend, we got up Saturday morning and head off to breakfast. We didn't idle too long as we both really wanted to get to the park as soon as we could. We arrived about 5 minutes after opening and parked right at the gate. We went straight to the closest roller coaster. We would later realize it was one of the two best in the entire park. I only ride in the front because it is the most amazing especially when you get the top of a drop and you are just literally hanging there in mid-air with just a harness holding you from falling. I realize while we are waiting that she seems a bit anxious/nervous. I put my arm around her to reassure her it will be great and I'll be right there with her. We get on and the ride starts out....nice simple curve to get up to speed then straight up. Then we are there, the point of no return. We are just hanging there for what seems like a several seconds but is really only 2 seconds and we drop. My arms go straight up and I can't help it, I start screaming (you'd swear it was sexual). The drops, curves, loops, cork screws, over and over again. It was absolutely amazing, I was on cloud nine. I can always tell the really good ones cause my adrenaline goes so high that I get a headache as I could come. We both get off the ride smiling ear to ear. We stop by the booth as we leave to see the picture from the ride and almost immediately decide we want a copy of that one. We get our number so we could come back later for it, not carrying that around all day.

The next ride is even more amazing. It is a blaster style ride where there are boosters to send you from 5mph to over 70mph in less than a second. I'm on adrenaline overdrive by now as we are speeding up and down, around the curves then we hit a tunnel (completely dark) and another booster kicks in and you head straight up and flip upside down on the drop (oh did I mention this is no car but you a simple seat with chest harness so very freeing). By the time it ends I can already feel my voice going from all the screaming.

We continue on to a couple more coasters before we take a break. It is perfect weather, sunny, mid 70s with a slight breeze. We have some lunch to recharge. Ok to note we had just rode the Drop Tower which is where you go straight up over 270ft in the air and it does a complete free fall at over 70mphs an hour then stops you right before you hit the ground. Lunch was nice to sit by a small pond to talk while we ate. During the whole day I kept finding myself just staring at her, as she has one of those infectious smiles that just makes you feel great being around her.

The next couple of rides were enjoyable but nothing too special. But there was one where this older gentleman was in front of us with his 9y/o daughter. Since there was only one car going at a time, they went first. As they were pulling back in the gate, he says pretty loudly, "that was better than sex". I couldn't help myself, I popped right back with, "you must be doing it wrong". We all started laughing. Then we headed over to ride the a few more rides including a spinning ride where we got to snap a few pics since it was kinda slow compared to everything else.

After we finished riding EVERY roller coaster once, we took another break to have some Starbucks, as we both love our fraps. Got some new pics of each other for going with each others contact entries on our phones. We chatted via text with the spouses and send some pics along while we drank our fraps. Did I mention there was a leather couch we got to hang out on, very comfy after all the rides. By this point it was starting to get late in the day, it was nearly 5PM and I wanted to ride a couple of the coasters in the dark. There is something about not being able to see and going so fast around curves and drops. So we chart out a map of what we want to do next. We head over and ride the first ride again, and I agreed to try another seat besides the front as the lines were starting to get very long. It was great but not as good as the first one and she quickly agreed with me that the front is the best.

Then we rode a flippy ride and then....there was this bobsled type ride where your partner has to sit in your lap. Now that was awesome, a ride where you can snuggle while riding. I just kept thinking I want to ride that again and again. To end the evening we got into line for the blaster ride again. After nearly 45 minutes, we got to the front of the line and it was pitch dark. As soon as we got the ride started we realized there were NO lights anywhere. So we were flying around at over 70mph in complete dark as it dropped, flipped, and twisted us mercilessly. It was so freaking amazing that I was almost shaking when we got off.

Soon we were on our way back to the hotel, we each went to our own rooms to get comfy. Soon enough she was knocking on my door and when I opened the door she was there in her bathing suit. I moved the massage table to the center of the room while she picked a massage oil (I have multiple scents). Her back was a bit knotted up from the day of coasters so I started by giving her back a really good massage, firm but gentle. (As both GF and Belle say, I have a soft touch) After I was done with her back, I explained this is normally where I proceed to move onto legs. She made a comment about not wanting to tire me out, *grins* I laughed internally, I could be half dead in the middle of the desert and I'd still give the massage. (There was a time way back when that I thought by giving a massage I'd get laid afterwards, but as I later learned this is was too relaxing to get there, so I started really appreciating it for its sensual nature). After massaging legs and feet, I moved on to her temples and scalp. You would be amazed at how much this really does help relax someone. (I know because I like to go on cruises and I always get at least one on the cruise) After the massage we got the jacuzzi going, and I poured some wine for each of us. She said it was hot, but I wasn't quite sure until I got in. It was literally hot tub hot, which was a bit more than expected but actually quite nice. We spent about 20 minutes relaxing and talking in the jacuzzi before we started getting close to overheating. We got out, toweled off and I put some fresh towels on the bed so we could sit and talk. (a bed wet from sex is one thing, but a bed wet from a tub is not that great to sleep in) We spent the rest of the evening talking, until the around midnight when Belle and Bro started txting us. We called and said our good nights to them. Then she was beyond exhausted and extremely relaxed as she put it. So we said our goodnights and off she went. After another call with Belle to fill her in on the days activities, I tried sending a txt to GF to see if she was interested in coming to at least snuggle. She wasn't quite ready for that and was already in bed. I think it could have been nice, I do understand and her respect her feelings. Again part of that is me trying to figure out how to proceed without making her uncomfortable.

The next morning we got up and packed, loaded up the cars. Then we headed to get some breakfast where we sat for a couple hours just talking again. We finally had to leave, so we headed back to the cars and said our goodbyes. And just like that it was over. I spent the next 3 hrs driving and thinking about the weekend. I was still in amazement at just how well it had gone, and how much adrenaline was flowing through me. The drive was good, it went very smoothly, but the longer I drove and thought one thing kept going through my head, I really do care for her. So that night I sent the email I mentioned above letting her know how I felt and that I'm willing to move at whatever pace works best for her if she see possibilities for more, but if there is no possibility then I'd just like to know and we could just be friends.

It was an amazing weekend, one that I'll never forget and look forward to doing again. But unfortunately with fall getting colder and winter around the corner, I'll have to come up with something else to do next time. Until then though, I'm just going to keep the memories of this weekend with me.

Please allow me to introduce myself...

2008-10-02T16:24:00.005-04:00

*taps the mic* this thing on? Oh, hi there. So uh, I'll just take this opportunity to introduce myself. I'm the wife. Er...the sub....um...the southern belle. Hell, just call me Belle. It'll be easier. I figured I'd dart in here and you know, prove that I exist or something *grins*. *waves*

I'm actually quite verbose if I get off on a topic of interest. Or get a bee in my bonnet about something. Kinda of stubborn and opinionated, too. (Don't get the Dom started on my ability to follow direction. Or my snarkiness. Not that I'm that bad or anything. I'm not. Really. No....really. *hmmphs*)

Let's see...he (the guy that lives here husband type) has already pointed out that I'm tall and amazonish and such. What else...we have a couple of kids, as he stated in the last post. Herd watching he called it. I prefer "Herd Tending". While they'd be quiet amusing just to watch, they require care and feeding and all.

I don't work outside of the home for pay. Notice how I put that so politically correctly? *smirks* I don't like calling myself a housewife. Or really a stay-at-home mom. I mean. I suppose I am those things, but I'm much more as well. Some days more than others. hehe.

Some days I'm an artist. Not exactly one raking in the dough, but I've done a commission here or there. And the Boys (yeah, one of them won't love being called boy, and I'll pay for it, but I need SOMETHING to call them plural) seem to like my work. At least enough to help support the art supply habit. So we'll go with that.

I tend to run against the grain of typical suburban mom. But then again, I look around and see a BUNCH of blogs running against that grain. What is it with suburbia? We all live in these perfect little Stepford cookie cutter houses, driving our little minivans, our 2.5 kids....smiling at the bus stop and buying girl scout cookies...making small talk at Bunco and blushing appropriately when Kathy down the street mentions something slightly saucy in nature. Discussing sex like it's something other people do. Do ALL of us go home to blog about the kinky things going on in our households? And why aren't any of the rest of you in my neighborhood???

*hops off the soapbox* Where was I? Oh, yes...who am I. Let's see. I'm a wife, a mother, a wench, a slut, a seductress, a daughter, a liberal, a tree hugger. Not always in that order. Sometimes I'm an emotional wreck and sometimes I have it completely together. Sometimes I am in complete bliss in this life I'm leading. And sometimes I wonder what the Hell was I thinking. More bliss than Hell, but I think the other's in this little slice of Heaven would agree with me. It didn't come with an instruction manual you know. And come to think of it...neither do I.

I'll be seeing y'all,

Belle

Random Topics

2008-10-02T14:16:00.003-04:00

The past couple of days we have been on an 80s kick. On Tuesday night we would pull up videos from YouTube and doing karaoke over the phone. My wife has been busy playing with all her new toys the past few days (new cell phone and new laptop), so she wasn't able to participate in our weekly ritual of gaming. Therefore we just started DJing our own music and singing along, and NOT a one of us can really sing, but it was a blast. So while I should be at home working each day, I keep pulling up some of those songs and listening which seems to lead to the wife and I singing along instead.

We are all getting ready for the weekend. GF and I are heading off to spend the weekend together riding roller coasters, checking out the Jacuzzi and indoor pool at the hotel. Bro and SB are going to be hanging out at my house taking care of the herd. You can guess who is getting the better end of this deal eh? If you are thinking, WHY would they agree to this, well its simple. Bro and SB have had their weekends away while GF and I took care of our herds independently in the past. I do hope to share herd watching with GF in the future but we were not there yet. So I've been busily going over my packing list in my head. Clothes, check, swimsuit, check, tickets, check, hotel checked, unchecked, re-checked. OK as I was plotting my path to the hotel via Google I noticed the rating on the hotel (never stayed there before) and well it scored a lovely 2 out of 5 stars. I was so not impressed and immediately started going to read up on this place to see when the comments came in and what they were dealing with and how many, etc. I tend to analyze things heavily. Well lets just say this place really sucked it seemed, so my lesson learned, NEVER look at the hotel's own site for reviews as they LIE. I used a few other sites and found one with a 4.5 out of 5 rating, that had Cracker Barrel, Starbucks, and a few other places next to it. So I'm much happier and able to relax about the upcoming weekend. As it is our first weekend alone, I really want everything to go smoothly.

Unfortunately GF will be delayed in her departure on Friday as she has a after school class that she teaches, where I took off work and will be arriving early afternoon. So I'm planning to bring along the massage table (anniversary present to my wife and I, from each other). I love giving massages but beds and couches just were not conducive to giving good massages. So we invested in a professional massage table with all the extras, and its portable. So I'll have it set up, the wine chilled in the fridge, and the Jacuzzi on standby to help her relax after a long day and potentially hectic drive.

So in short, I've managed to side-step a potential disaster, prepare for the weekend, and rock out to some 80s music while having a pretty darn good week. Now if I can just get SB to stop having migraines this week, things will be absolutely perfect.

I hope to have alot to write about after I return from my trip, if nothing else, a review of roller coasters ;-)

TMI #154

2008-09-29T23:52:00.003-04:00

1. What do you feel is the difference between sexy and erotic?
People are sexy whereas objects are erotic.

2. Do you believe there is one right person (i.e. soul mate) for you out there in the world, or that there can be many different potential mates that you could live blissfully with?
I believe in soul mate as being the single perfect match for you, but also do believe there are multiple people who you can live blissfully with even if they are not perfect for you, but they are highly compatiable.

3. Do you need to hear "I love you" or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?
Need is a strong word, but I really enjoy hearing my love tell me she loves me. And there are even times when I crave to hear it.

4. What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?
Emotional pain (ala hurt) as I tend to internalize those feelings.

5. What is worse - physical, mental or cyber cheating?
Cheating is cheating, it is the betrayal. But if I had to select one I'd go with mental/emotional as being the worst.

Bonus (as in optional): The Kinsey scale attempts to describe a person's sexual history or episodes of their sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. Where are you - TODAY - on the scale?
0 because I do not touch or even fantasize about men.

My friend and maybe more

2008-09-29T14:21:00.004-04:00

Based on the title of the blog and posts thus far that this blog is about the four of us. While I maybe the primary poster, at least a couple of the others will join me as guest bloggers from time to time. I have at least introduced my wife (SB) and my bro (TheDom), but I've not really talked about Her. First things first, I should probably refer to her as something other than Her, so I'm going to use GF (for now just a friend who happens to be a girl, but maybe in the future it will have another meaning all together).

I'm married to SB, and my bro is married to GF. My bro is SB's Dom, and GF is my friend. When all of this started, GF didn't really want to know anything that was going on, based on her comfort level. As she puts it in her own words, she was raised in a very sheltered way and has minimal experience thus her comfort level. After some conversations between bro and GF, she decided she did want to know more and be more involved.

While on my cross-country camping trip in June, we started flirting via text messages and picture messages. That led to getting both families together for the 4th of July weekend, and I was able to cook/prepare a speciality (and favorite of hers) of mine, bananas fosters. She hung out with me while I cooked. We didn't get to talk much during July as I was travelling for work so just a few text messages here and there. By August we had started talking nearly daily either via text, email, or IMs. She is still not sure how far she is willing to go so I'm taking it slow and easy and not rushing her. As I've told on her many of occasions, my first and foremost goal is for us to become great friends, if things evolve great, if not, then that is great as well. We have started talking on the phone more, usually as a group in the evening but she is definitely getting more comfortable.

That leads us up to present day. We had a weekend get away planned for last weekend that got postponed while I had my appendix removed, so we are going this coming weekend instead. As adrenaline junkies, we are heading to a nearby amusement park to ride roller coasters all weekend. Since SB doesn't ride roller coasters, this was an easy interest for us to share together. So far almost all of our time together has included the entire group, except for a few short times during our last meeting where SB and I stayed at their house.

While I inwardly hope that something will grow from our friendship to more, I'm taking it slow, being patient, and letting her find her way with all the support I can provide. The transition to sharing with others, is not an easy one, something SB, bro, and I have all figured out during this journey. But its something none of us would trade for anything.

Midnight Poetry

2008-09-29T10:20:00.002-04:00

Cute, sexy, sarcastic humor
Sleepy, groggy, mind in a haze
Tweak, tender, don't bite it off
Lick, suck, balancing difficult
Soft, silky, feather touches
Sweet, musk, flooding my senses
Hot, wet, gliding in
Hard, rigid, stroking quickly
Mounting, building, erupting again
Tight, thrusting, velvet vise grip tightening
Faster, harder, muscles squeezing holding close
Melding, bonding, becoming one
Cliff, ecstasy, reaching the peak
Crushing, thrusting, on the cusp
Flooding, erupting, new levels of elation
Together, bound, united as One!

I'm a poet at heart, but only a novice one. I'm not even a writer, just have a need to put what is in my head into words as best as possible.

My Brother

2008-09-28T15:49:00.007-04:00

Since I eluded to it in my last post, I figured I'd complete my thoughts on the subject. Some may find this a bit strange or even completely insane, but its true; I've become best friends with my wife's lover/Dom. Not even just friends but brothers. While we are obviously not blood related in any way shape or form, we have established a bond that goes beyond just simple friendship. When we are together in public, we are very often mistaken for brothers, even been asked if we were twins.

TheDom and I talk and have talked almost every day for over 8 months now. Most days its about our favorite topic, SB. I swear we share the same brain most days, as we frequently talk and end up saying the same thing at the same time. Its is surreal how everything has come to be and the place we are at in life.

Last weekend, my appendix became infected and SB had to take me into the ER on a Saturday night. It was nearly 3am before a final diagnosis was made, and the entire time my bro was up and checking on me. By 4am he was already driving down to my house to help SB with logistics as surgery was scheduled later that morning and she was not going to leave me no matter how much I pleaded with her to go home and sleep. By 9am he was at my place, taking care of the kids. After my surgery was successful, he was able to help pry SB from the hospital and took her home to get some sleep. Later he brought back the family to visit me in the hospital and brought REAL food so I could avoid hospital food. SB showed up looking killer and making the fact I was rapidly approaching 60 hrs without any form of sex readily apparent. So after I was given my release by the doctor, my bro took the kids for a walk while SB helped me get dressed. She decided to surprise me with a "yay you are coming home blowjob" in the hospital bed (is that an amazing wife or what). So he really stepped up and helped a brother out there. That is just one example, but that why is not my friend, but my brother.

Thanks bro for always being there.

Driving....

2008-09-28T15:18:00.004-04:00

What an amazing feeling and sense of release it is....yes driving. I love to drive and always have. Its one of those things where no matter my state of mind or being, it always helps me. When I'm angry or upset it starts out with a rushed almost urgent drive as the music is very fast and up tempo and I'm typically speeding along. If I'm sad or depressed, then its a slow easy drive with slow melodies playing in the background. If I'm happy or excited, then I'm cruising with an upbeat tempo of music. But no matter how the drive starts, it always ends the same way....relaxed, content, and at peace with the world around me.

I started driving at a very young age, riding mowers at age 8, tractors by age 10, trucks by age 11. I have my first vehicle by age 13 and I looked for any excuse to drive. My first car was age 16 but it was just the first nothing else really memorable about the car. But age 17, I had MY Shadow; cherry-red turbo 5-speed and dark tinted windows. It was fast and always got my adrenaline pumping just like the tac on the turbo. I could go driving for hours to no place at all, when it was time to go anywhere my friends always rode with me. I eventually broke it while driving normal, of all things, and so it was gone. Fast forward through several vehicles and now I have what I hope will be the last one I ever buy for myself. She's a Jeep, Solar Yellow, and all mine. I take the top off every May and do not cover her back up till early to mid October.

Today was a driving day as the sun was shining with a slight breeze. The top down, the music humming along, and destination was no place at all. My mind always swirls as I think through the past, present and future. Today was no different as I keep hopping from thought to thought, everything from SB and great things are between us, how close of a friend TheDom has become, and where things with Her (not SB) will go.

My day is complete now that I've been driving.

My inspiration

2008-09-27T20:25:00.002-04:00

Over the past several months I've been reading a couple of blogs pretty heavily and they have inspired me to start writing myself, if for no other reason than to get this stuff out of my head (gets kinda full in there ya know?).

Everything started when I went searching for info on Open Marriages and I found a blog by Jenny Block called My Open Book that eventually led me over to Sexie Sadie's blog Sexie Sadie's Stories of Seduction: Confessions From My Open Marriage and from there I found ASM's blog Another Suburban Mom. So now I find myself reading Sadie's and ASM's blog everyday. I love the honesty and openness that I see from each of them. I have been branching out into other blogs based on the links from each of their blogs but those are the two blogs that I make sure to read each and everyday. I do need to start sharing the love by taking the time to comment in their blogs regularly as of now I've mostly just been lurking while I decided how to proceed with my own online presence.

Just wanted to share the ones that have meant alot to me and give a big shout out to those ladies. Thanks and keep it up.

Shad's First Playmate

2008-09-27T17:38:00.005-04:00

For any guy that doesn't look like a movie star, it is alot of work to find a playmate that understands you are married, not cheating but able to have sex with the wife's full knowledge and blessing, and no strings (essentially FWB). I spent several months half-heartedly searching different "friend finders" and the like but to no avail. Also to some degree there was some doubt/concern about whether SB would really be cool with me and another woman.

After she had a steady playmate in TheDom, they both started encouraging me to find someone. So I finally got a hit from a lady that only lived about 30 minutes away, which led to a few emails and phone calls. After a couple of weeks, I decided the situation seemed pretty good to me. She had been dating a woman for the past several years and had not been with another man in a while and had gotten test etc. to prove she was clean. She also met my other requirements, someone shorter than me (figured I already have an amazon so someone shorter would be a nice change of pace), also someone older would be nice (I'm early 30s, she was mid 40s and I have a thing for older ladies), and she just loved to talk about sex. On a quick side note, I really liked the idea of someone that was not really young as most mature women tend to handle their emotions much better and are not as prone to drama/mind games which is what tends to happen with the early 20s gals.

We finally set a date for a Saturday afternoon the next week, and as luck would have it, it snowed which made it impossible for where we live to drive. So we pushed it out to the next week, and I wake up Saturday morning with a major stomach issues (food poisoning or the such) but not a really good day for me. So we move it to the next day figuring I should be good by then, but the early morning was still a bit sketchy. By lunch time I was back to normal and ready for the date. Around 3PM I kiss SB goodbye and head south to meet BB.

I meet her at a local hotel that she is familiar with and has a room already reserved. I check in and get the key, and we head over to the room. Things start a bit slow as there are no real "sparks" for me, and I wanted to make sure I was not pushing things too fast on a first meeting. My sex drive is pretty high and I've been known to lose my head and dive in head first without thinking so I was really trying to make sure she was cool with things before hitting the gas. We start by sitting on the couch and talking a bit, which led to kissing. As things started to warm up we started undressing each other and moving to the bed. The kissing continued and soon things got steamy. I was able to demo my talents (some of which SB likes to brag about) the two biggies being my oral skills and my ability to rebound very quickly (I'm always ready to play). After 4 hours and a half dozen orgasms or so later we dress and say our goodbyes.

We continued chatting on the phoned over the next couple of weeks, and that is when the drama began to unfold. Soon enough BB and her ex (still roommate) were fighting and there was a point where she was forced to move out and ended up staying with her ex husband for a few days. Then she was in the hospital for some procedure that was caused by the fighting. Well she asked if we could meet again, so I agreed and we set the time. The day we were supposed to meet she called about mid-day just to talk and never brought up meeting later in the day and ended the phone call by saying I'll talk to you sometime later this week. I went back and forth over whether I dreamed about setting up the date or whatever, but even a few days later she still had not remembered having the date. We chatted a few times more over the next couple weeks, mostly via email and then I decided there was too much drama to get involved and ended the relationship.

While I would never hold this up as the most successful relationship I've had, it was a learning experience and I will continue on my pursuits.

The Beginning

2008-09-27T15:24:00.002-04:00

I've spent the last few years in an open marriage, but these days its not so "open". But that is the present, lets start back at the beginning and I'll get to present day soon enough.

My wife (aka "the sub"/naughty southern belle; referred to as SB hence forth) went to visit her parents via train for a long weekend, while on said train an older man made a move on her after they had chatted for a while. It was nothing more than a kiss and fondle, but still this was the first time someone had touched her since we were married. Being the guilty type, she came home and told me all about it. Instead of being jealous, I was turned on by the thought which led to a talk about a friend of hers and open marriage.

Thereby after a few long discussions of what an open marriage meant, we decided we both wanted it and we should move forward. Then SB set out looking for a playmate.

A bit more background may be useful here to help anyone who bothers to read. SB is tall (6ft) with long straight hair (color varies from original brown to many shades of reds and purples), brown eyes, and a natural girl next door beauty. She doesn't need makeup but when added really makes her just shine. She also was dating a woman when I met her, so alternative lifestyles are nothing new to her. I am a bit shorter (5'7"), brown hair, and blue eyes and SB was one of 3 (ok 4 now) lesbians that I dated so I've been very accepting of alternate lifestyles as well.

SB start looking around her male friends and acquaintances circles looking for her first playmate. It took a couple of months before she finally settled on a guy she felt comfortable meeting and having sex with. Soon enough the first date was scheduled and planned. For my part I helped her shave, select appropriate clothing, and accessories. I'm not sure which of us was more excited, but I could barely concentrate that night at poker while she had her date. I got home after poker that night after he had already left, and she joined me in bed. She proceeded to share all the details of the evening in glorious details (she blushed the entire time, the lights were out and I still know she was blushing from head to toe). After hearing about her evening I was so turned on that we had sex to end the evening, and then I cuddled her the rest of the night.

SB would have a few more dates with her new friend and went pretty similarly to the first. Then we decided to full-fill her fantasy of a threesome, so invited her friend over for dinner. I cooked a spicy marinara shrimp pasta that night for dinner. After dinner we hung out in the living room together. G (her friend) and myself proceeded to tease and torment SB. We could sense he was quite apprehensive about the idea still. SB started by stripping down to her pretties and sitting between us. She then started alternating kisses between us and this got things warmed up for him. Soon enough he was devouring her pussy with mouth and hands while I kisses her and toyed with her breast. She was absolutely glowing with excitement and after a few short minutes was coming hard for us. After recovering she kisses me softly and leaned over to start repaying G for his efforts. Interesting enough he was still not completely comfortable so SB proceed to straddle his lap and fucked him hard. I decided to sit back and watch to see where things led from there but after a few minutes he was filling SB. She started looking over at me and smiling the most beautiful loving smile (she still does to this day when its a group thing). He quickly got dressed so we chatted for a few more minutes before he decided it was time to head home. It was not quite the threesome she had expected but a very good first step in the right direction. After G left, we headed upstairs to finish the night off right.

Not too long after that night, SB decided she wanted to keep looking as G was not going to be the one for her. She did talk and even meet another guy or two but nothing ever became of those.

That is when a long time online friend of hers came into the picture, which she now lovingly refers to him as Sir. I'll get into that part later.